PARENTING
05/03/2016 09:22 am ET

13 Funny Moms Share The Truth About Motherhood

"My parenting philosophy is 'Try not to lose your shit.'"

In the midst of the chaos and confusion of raising kids, sometimes all you need is a good laugh. Luckily some moms are comedians who can find humor in any situation. Here are spot-on parenting truths from 13 famous funny ladies.

1. On who's really in charge:

"Kids are definitely the boss of you. Anyone who will barge into the room while you are on the commode is the boss of you. And when you explain to them that you’re on the commode and that they should leave but they don’t? That’s a high-level boss." -- Tina Fey

Danny Moloshok / Reuters

2. On raising babies:

"We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up." -- Phyllis Diller

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3. On the days before parenthood:

"Before I had children, I was so selfish. I used to shower like every day." -- Maryellen Hooper

Michael Schwartz via Getty Images

4. On the fantasy of sleep:

"Now that I have kids, I’m up at 5:30 a.m. no matter what. Sleep at this point is just a concept, something I’m looking forward to investigating in the future." -- Amy Poehler

Lucy Nicholson / Reuters

5. On dealing with chaos:

"In more trying times, I suppose my parenting philosophy is 'Try not to lose your shit.'" -- Rachel Dratch

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6. On parenting expectations and reality:

"It’s funny when you think back on the parent you THOUGHT you would be before you had kids and how you judge other parents. Then you give in to the reality of it and just wing it." -- Maya Rudolph

Phil McCarten / Reuters

7. On letting go of dreams:

"Every night I work on releasing the ridiculous fantasy of achieving a serene house, full of productive adults and slumbering children." -- Ana Gasteyer

Lucy Nicholson / Reuters

8. On rolling with the punches:

"It is truly a blessing. But I’m going to be tired for the rest of my life. When you’re up at 3 o’clock in the morning, and they pee on you, you just have to smile." -- Wanda Sykes

Rich Polk via Getty Images

9. On the competitive world of preschool admissions:

"I actually went to a kindergarten fair, which was identical to a college fair. It was quite funny. I left with a tote bag and everything from all the schools. I've been told to 'cast a wide net.'" -- Jane Krakowski

Danny Moloshok / Reuters

10. On delivering a baby:

"Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head." -- Carol Burnett

Sam Mircovich / Reuters

11. On asserting authority:

"Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For years I used to wake up my daughter and say, 'Melissa you ripped me to shreds. Now go back to sleep.'" -- Joan Rivers

CBS Photo Archive via Getty Images

12. On raising energetic kids:

"When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out." -- Erma Bombeck

Dick Loek via Getty Images

13. On parenting in the digital age:

"I joined a couple of those mom chat rooms and it was seriously like a 'Saturday Night Live' sketch. I was laughing so hard! Of course I was appreciative that women share information, but there would be fights over, like, what kind of lotion one woman is using on her stomach." -- Casey Wilson

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