"Whatever you are willing to put up with is exactly what you will have."~Anon
I admit that like a lot of women I have struggled with boundaries in the past. I lacked the appropriate discernment to put appropriate boundaries in place with friends, family, co-workers and men in love.
Ultimately, I did the inner work needed in order to be able to have healthy boundaries. There are certain things and behaviors I no longer tolerate.
A boundary indicates bounds or limits. It's your standard.
Not setting boundaries in dating and relationships is the biggest mistake you can make because you teach people how to treat you. You give your power away when you don't have boundaries.
A woman should never do all the bending, compromising and stretching. A man who sincerely wants to be in your life will always be willing to meet you halfway.
You actually create attraction when you have boundaries. You are the prize, after all.
Why have boundaries?
Because it makes your life peaceful and;
Shows you respect yourself which is a critical piece of information in the first three months of dating.
Having boundaries is not about control or manipulating. It's the process of defining what is acceptable to you.
Here are three boundaries for every single woman:
1. Treat your body like a temple. Women actually have the power to inspire men to grow up and gain some self control. But, they're not and, as a result sex has become far too casual today.
I am not suggesting that you abstain from sex. I am advocating don't be so quick to give it away.
Why?
Because the release of the hormone, oxytocin, during sex evokes bonding in a woman. It is not the same for a man. Particularly in the early stages of dating, he bonds through his experiences with a woman and sex is not one of them. Avoid the regret.
The weightier reason is the the risk of STDs. Even with condoms people become complacent and think it won't happen to them. If you're not able to bring up the topic that both of you should get checked first, the lack of intimacy in the relationship should raise a flag to you.
2. Don't flounder forever. You deserve to be courted and, if you want to be married - you deserve that, too. If you're waiting for him to come around after months or years of casual dinner dates or friends with benefits - draw a line in the sand - put a time boundary in place and see how he responds. You'll know quickly how he feels about you.
3. Use your being - not your beauty. A high quality man distinguishes between outward beauty and a woman's character and behavior. Yes, society celebrates beauty. If you're putting out your physicality through your dress, actions and words, rest assured you won't be attracting a high quality man. It'll be second tier men who come calling.
Use your being with your heart and integrity to attract the high quality man that you deserve.
Not everyone who knocks on your door should be allowed in. It doesn't mean putting up a fort around your heart; rather protect yourself. Be prudent - you owe it to yourself.
A boundary only offends someone who's not invested from the start.
Cultivate discernment, take your time getting to know a man and only then welcome him into your life.
What boundaries have you set up?