It takes a person with great courage to look inward and figure out why life isn't going according to plan. Maybe there's a measure of success but you know it could be marginally better. Okay, significantly better!
At some point you must come to understand that it is up to you to improve your life, your direction, your everything. If you are waiting for a genie in a bottle or a magic potion, look in the mirror. You are that person.
Let's look at some of the reasons you may be stuck in life and figure out what you can do to get on with it.
1. You Play the Blame Game
When I was in my early 20s I worked for someone who'd had enough of my moodiness and blame-throwing, so he finally hauled me into his office and addressed it with me. As hard as it was to hear, I knew he was absolutely right and that this was a defining moment in time. I could ignore his input or do something about it. The choice was mine.
It was hard. It took time. There was inner struggle and it didn't happen overnight. It took an awful lot of lip-biting for a period of time. But I knew. You know too... the gig's up, you're being called to make a change.
- Stop it. Seriously, just stop. You lose respect and credibility, and if you're attempting to build a career or a relationship, this is one of the most impactful changes you can possibly tackle.
- Bite your lip, even if it bleeds.
- Ask yourself why it's so utterly important to deflect your personal responsibility on others. What is the fear factor behind it? When you recognize the root, and that it is fear-driven, you've discovered your moment of truth.
- Be intentionally aware of what your moda operandi is, stop it in its tracks, and eventually it will become a natural part of who you are.
I respect a person who admits their pitfalls and is willing to do something about them, don't you?
2. You Hold a Grudge
Resentment and bitterness infiltrate every fibre of our beings. It's easier sometimes to hang on to it, to allow the pain to become too close a friend, so close that ending the friendship seems an insurmountable task.
At the end of life, being an angry person is a good thing, said no one ever. It doesn't matter if you're a parent or not, someone watches you and sees how you handle things. What influence do you want to have and what legacy do you wish to leave?
Life is too short for long-term grudges. -- Elon Musk
When the aha moment kicks in and you realize the person being impacted by anger or hatred is ultimately you, and that the "guilty party'"probably has no clue what you're holding on to, life gets a whole bunch better. Instantly.
I respect a person who's been hurt in life (Lord knows we've all experienced it), and chooses to work through the pain to forgiveness as a self-productive measure. Don't you?
3. You Make Excuses
"I'm a single mom with three kids, a pet, a part-time job and a business to run." That's my go-to excuse when I'm avoiding something or it seems too hard for me to accomplish. Then I think about single moms who work full time, go to university to further their career and create a better life. It removes my excuses in pretty short order.
If that's the story I keep telling myself, then that's my story and it's not going to change.
What's your go-to excuse? What are you willing to do to re-write that script?
I respect a person big time who doesn't allow limits or excuses to keep them from their dreams, but jumps through hoops and squashes those excuses to accomplish their dreams. Don't you?
Are you ready to take a courageous step -- admit to yourself that only you are responsible for you -- and take some massive action towards a new future? You don't get your yesterdays back, nor do you get a do-over. Give yourself the gift of life, the gift of taking it upon yourself to create space for accountability, forgiveness and action.
Resources:
Sometimes You Win Sometimes You Learn -- John C. Maxwell
The Choice to Forgive -- Frederic Luskin
Stop Looking for Excuses to Not Be Awesome -- Jeff Goins
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