The year of 2015 has been filled with all kinds of experiences: loss, grief, endings, new beginnings, major mindset shifts, disappointments, transformation, experiencing love in new ways, and more.
Though it was not my direct intention at the beginning of 2015, it's been a year filled with a lot of growth -- in my work, relationships, health, and knowledge. Here are a few lessons I've learned in 2015:
#1 -- If you want change in your life you've got to do the work every single day.
A few years ago I had written an article explaining why I don't meditate regularly and what I had been doing instead to compensate for it. While the things I was doing instead were beneficial, I was definitely not committed to doing any kind of practice every single day.
In 2015, this was the year that completely changed. I've been meditating and praying every day and it has made some clear and profound shifts -- not immediately noticeable, but definitely over time.
That's the funny thing about change -- often the thing that can provide us with the most impactful change is what we are most resistant to. So lesson learned: Commit to doing the work regardless of how challenging or difficult -- and the more resistance you have, the more you will benefit from actually doing it!
#2 -- If you want more of something, then you better be damn grateful for what you already do have.
Want a new (or better) job? Then you better be grateful for the job you already have. Want to earn more money? Then you better be taking care of the money you already have. It's all about our mindset. If we see lack, then our experience isn't going to change even if what we desire in our external world actually does happen.
Why? Because, most likely, we're gonna f*** it up.
We're going to carelessly spend the money we earned from that book deal rather than spend it wisely. We're going to get an opportunity to get that dream job but we won't make the cut because someone else had a better reference from a past employer than we did cause we weren't really grateful when working that old job.
It's all about our mindset, so if we only see lack then all we can get is lack. If we see the good in things, then we're going to have more good things come to us. Which leads me to my next lesson...
#3 -- Manifestation comes from feeling in the present moment what we want to feel when we get what we want.
Our tendency when we want something is to focus on the external, but when it comes to manifestation is all about the external being a reflection of what is going on internally. What is going on inside of us is what we see outside of ourselves.
So if we see chaos in our outer world, then its likely that our internal world is actually chaotic.
And so when it comes to manifestation, it's not about focusing on what external thing that we want, but how we want to feel as a result of getting that external thing and working to feel that right now.
So let's say you want a new boyfriend. What do you think it will feel like to have a new boyfriend? What kind of feelings do you want to experience as a result of getting a new boyfriend?
Is it joy? Happiness? Love? Affection? Support?
Whatever those feelings are, focus on giving that to yourself. Find ways in your day to day live right now to feel more love, affection, and support within yourself. Have that amazingly loving relationship with you right now. That way, when a guy who's the right fit does come along he'll definitely want to stick around.
#4 -- You're not going to accomplish much if you don't set realistic goals for yourself.
It seems that recently I've been working with clients on this a lot. This is probably because I've been working on it with myself quite a bit in the last couple months.
Lets face it: Most of us don't set realistic goals for ourselves. "I want to get married in two years." "I want to lose 10 pounds." "I want to stop smoking as of the new year."
These statements are usually followed by me asking, "How are you going to do that?" and getting a response like, "I'm going to just stop smoking next Monday and never touch them again."
My response: Now is that realistic?
So many of us set goals for ourselves but the way we set goals sets us up for failure. And, when we fail, we get discouraged and stop trying. So nothing ever changes.
When it comes to setting good quality realistic goals, the key I've found is about making small goals that are measurable and relatively easy to achieve.
Some goal like "I want to be fit again" can turn into a short-term, more realistic, goal by saying: I'm going to start doing yoga at least two days a week. Then as you achieve the "little" goal, then you can add on to it from there as you see fit.
Of course, this doesn't mean that we should never "dream big" and set bigger goals. There's absolutely nothing wrong with setting the big goal of wanting to be on a NY Times Bestseller list or be interviewed by Oprah. However, it's important to remember that we need to take things one step at a time and if we miss a step along the way, then we're not going to get there.
So take your time, be realistic, and be gentle with yourself.
Take action now!
Focus on one of the four lessons that I've mentioned above -- committing to a daily practice, being grateful, feeling what you want to feel right now, or setting realistic goals -- and share in the comments below how you're going to start doing one of those things in your life starting today!
Jennifer is a self and relationship coach, writer, and spiritual teacher. She is the founder of JenniferTwardowski.com and the creator of Ignite Love from Within: Meditations to Create Relationships and a Life Filled with Love, click here for a free meditation from the album. Her mission is to help women create loving relationships with both others and themselves. Click here for her Free Self and Relationship Healing Meditation and weekly blog updates. To learn about how you can work with her, click here.
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