5 Reasons Why You're Not Getting Any Pussy

06/28/2017 05:33 pm ET Updated Oct 09, 2017
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Especially sexually!

Men don’t speak for us.

Men don’t DICKtate how we feel or think.

Seriously, fuck off!

It was no surprise to me when I typed into Google: “Reasons Why You're Not Getting Any Pussy.

And it brought up a bunch of articles written by men.

Here’s the real reasons on why you’re not getting any pussy.

Bite me!

You’re An Energy Vampire

You’re a man that gives her no time to miss you.

You’ve only just asked her out on a date and already you’re flooding her with texts, emails and messages.

You want pussy?

Get busy with your own life. Men who are busy are extraordinarily attractive.

Give us a challenge. Give us something to miss!

The Compliments You Give Suck

A lot of men believe that you attain pussy via ‘Compliment Road’.

That’s actually incorrect and would require me to digress and write an entirely different article. But if you’re going to give a woman a compliment:

  • Make sure it’s sincere.
  • And compliment her on her skills, not her looks.

Do you understand how many compliments an attractive woman gets from men on a daily basis? I personally, forget the compliments I receive about my eyes and breasts — they’re a dime a dozen! However, I never forget a compliment that I get about my work.

One-Night-Stand Etiquette

If you’re going to bother taking a woman back to your bachelor pad. Ensure you have the basics covered.

I’ve visited many bachelor pads in my time and blokes overall, seem to have no idea of what’s required of them.

These basics are non-negotiable. If you’re unable to oblige. I suggest you stay at home, watch some porn and have a wank.

  • Shampoo, conditioner and shower-gel.
  • Two fresh towels. One for her hair. One for her body.
  • Coffee, tea and milk.
  • A hairdryer.
  • Aspirin.

Some blokes literally don’t have any of these bases covered and deserve to be pussyless for the rest of their days.

Toilet Etiquette

When you’re sharing a slab of beer with a group of mates. Behaving like an animal and leaving skid marks in the toilet bowl may be acceptable. But when you’re in the company of a woman, it certainly is not.

Again, these basics for your toilet and bathroom are non-negotiable. One would also expect, you extend the courtesy when you visit her, at her home.

  • Anti-bacterial Hand Wash/Soap. (use it).
  • Toilet Spray. (use it).
  • Toilet brush. (use it).
  • Toilet paper. (You blokes may be able to ‘shake yourself dry’ after a piss. Women don’t have that luxury).

I kid you not, one would assume this stuff would be ‘a given’ but it’s not. And it’s got nothing to do with societal hierarchy. This filth among men spreads across various demographics.

Stop Pressuring Her

I’ve been pressured into sex when I haven’t really wanted to and it’s fucking awful. Years later it still haunts me. Stop pressuring women to have sex with you.

I know it’s tough for you blokes to process but vaginas are actually attached to human beings!

If women say they don’t want to, leave them alone.

Who cares if you bought dinner and drinks. Who cares if your dick is hard and raring to go. Who cares if this is the third date. Stop guilt-tripping the poor girl. You’re pathetic.

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This angry article is proudly brought to you by journalist and actress Vanessa de Largie who was recently shut down by the social media patriarchy for her sexual liberty.

This post was published on the now-closed HuffPost Contributor platform. Contributors control their own work and posted freely to our site. If you need to flag this entry as abusive, send us an email.
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