5 Reasons Why I Am the Only Wedding Planner on Earth Who Feels Bad for Prince Harry + Meghan Markle

12/19/2017 01:24 pm ET Updated Dec 20, 2017
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I am definitely a minority here. I mean, I am probably the only chick on the planet, let alone wedding planner, who is not excited about the upcoming royal nuptials between Prince Harry and Meghan Markle. When I’ve mentioned this publicly (not on social media or anything crazy like that…) several eyebrows become raised, the music stops and I feel like I am standing in the middle of the room with a hot potato in my hands. My peers promptly utter, “Whaaaaaa?”, like I have suddenly sprouted a unicorn horn, have rainbows shooting out of my ass, and hooves bulging from underneath my dress. I am instantly grilled on how I could possibly say such a thing. “Isn’t this your thing?” they ask. “Nope. Not really… I actually feel bad for them.” I say holding eye contact (just so I can catch their reaction to such a preposterous statement). “You feel BAD for them? You feel bad for two super wealthy, super attractive, and super famous (not to mention royal) people getting married?” they ask, stunned. “Yup.”I say. And immediately I am asked, “WHY?” Why? Well, I’ll give you five reasons…

1. I don’t care what anybody says, if Price Harry and Meghan Markle wanted to have a backyard BBQ wedding with a live band and tiki torches, or a tropical, destination wedding where they exchanged vows barefoot on a sandy beach, or a swanky, reception style, all-white wedding, it would never happen. It would never happen because their wedding and their wedding plans are probably 99% out of their control. Will they choose their color scheme? Sure. Will they have their hand in selecting the florals? Possibly. But, when it comes down to making their wedding all about them and who they are as a couple? Their banana flavored wedding cake is most likely the only decision they will make that is all their own. And frankly? That makes me sad for them. Because I love their story, and how they got to know each other, and I believe we are all missing out on the wedding they could have planned together without restrictions. Yeah, I’m pretty sure it would have been pretty fucking amazing. Don’t you?

2. Um, can we just talk about the guest list for a second? Prince William and Princess Catherine had 1900 people on the guest list. NINETEEN HUNDRED. And, I’m sure they knew all of guests… Sounds incredibly intimate, right? Even if Prince Harry and Meghan Markle have half of that number (I’ll do the math for you, 850 guests), that’s still a fuckload of people celebrating the most important, and biggest days of your life. That’s like four weddings in one. I mean, holy shit… just imagine going from table to table to greet all in attendance?! And, I’m guessing it’s not too likely they will skip this particular piece of wedding etiquette, leaving them very little time to actually enjoy their wedding day.

3. Unlimited budget. OMG. Doesn’t that sound sexy? Unlimited budget… YES! It sure does! Who doesn’t love an unlimited budget? Right? It’s SO fucking sexy! As a wedding planner, when I have the opportunity to work with a couple rockin’ an unlimited budget, I get excited. Actually, I get elated! Because instead of squashing Pinterest dreams with the reality of the price behind the curtain, I get to help make dreams happen. I don’t have to say “no”, and that is an awesome feeling! But, although a tremendous budget is usually a tremendous blessing, it comes with a price of it’s own. PRESSURE FOR PERFECTION. More money? More problems. More perfection. And in Prince Harry and Meghan Markle’s case? Gobs of it. Heaps of it. Loads of it. And, I don’t know a soul in the world (famous or not) who loves the idea of being bogged down with the pressure of perfection.

4. When you’re Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, there’s no such thing as skeletons in the closet. Those suckers are on display for the world to see. And, unfortunately, the most common complaint I hear from couples getting married? Family skeletons barreling out of the closet wrecking havoc on the wedding planning equilibrium. It sucks, but it happens, and you deal with it. But having to deal with it in a very public forum? UGH. Bridey, I’m not suggesting that I know anything about Prince Harry and Meghan Markle’s skeletons, but we all got ‘em, sooooooo…..

5. We all love a good viral video, right? We watch cute cats chasing their tails, giggling babies, people tripping over their own two feet, etc. But, when it comes to your wedding, it’s nerve-wracking enough to even think about tripping down the aisle or fainting or crying in front of friends and family, right? And, broadcasted for the world to see? Terrifying! There is no shelter for these two… Nowhere to hide, and considering the enormity of the day without all of these obstacles, this has got to be weighing on these two, and that makes me feel sad for them.

So, there you have it. Yes, I feel bad for two super wealthy, super attractive, and super famous (not to mention royal) people getting married.

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