There are very few safe places for moms to go to escape the heavy, leering eyes of judgement in today’s society. I don’t believe being a mom has ever been harder in this sense! While so much in our world is getting easier and improving, thanks to technology, our role is only getting tougher.
It’s impossible to be a good mom today.
Don’t use sunscreen...
Formula is devil juice...
The public school system leads to suicide and second grade sex romps...
Sleep with your baby or she’ll never have a good relationship with you...
Don’t let your baby sleep with you or he’ll never know how to self-soothe and he’ll live with you till he’s 49...
Basically, no matter what decision we make, there’s always another side shouting at us “YOU’RE RUINING YOUR KID’S LIFE AND YOU ARE THE WORST!” We can’t win.
Let me drop some freedom in your lap, girl. You don’t have to follow the rules. In fact, I’m gonna step right up and point out five rules (there are WAY more, but let’s start here) you can just go ahead and throw right out the window right now. Like don’t even worry about it. Cause I think we could all use a lighter load these days.
5 Rules of Modern Motherhood You Can Totally Break
1. You have to have it all together, all the time.
HA! Who even made this one up?? This is a joke, yet I see this rule being held over our heads by OTHER moms all the time! I mean what gives?
The thing about motherhood is it’s insanity- it’s loud, it’s wishy washy and back and forth and completely unpredictable, making it impossible to have it all together. You’re better than this mama. Shake that right off and move on.
2. Carpe Diem every freaking moment.
Somewhere along the way, we started to believe that we moms have to “seize the day” not only every day, but every moment. Umm, no.
Call me what you will, but when the baby’s diaper has exploded up to his neckline, the boys are shouting wiener and buttcrack jokes at each other while jumping on the freshly-folded pile of laundry, and my daughter is “expressing herself” with paints whilst standing over the white carpet, the last thing I’m going to be doing is carpe-ing this never-ending diem. Mmkay?
The philosophy that we moms need to hold onto every fleeting moment and treat it like a baby seal is ridiculous and only leads to mom guilt. Like we need another ounce of that in our lives! Shake it off, friend.
3. If something is convenient for you on any level, you are the worst.
There’s this crazy idea that we moms are supposed to be constantly miserable for our kids’ sake. Gotta poop? You better find a way to do it with the baby strapped to you because if you set him down and let him fuss while you do any type of nature-induced activities, he will become a murderer.
We aren’t allowed to take a nap, get some sleep, eat a meal, or sip a cup of coffee without feeling guilty about it. The idea of putting ourselves first for even two minutes is horrible. When did this start??
Oh mama, take a deep breath, stop reading those guilt-building articles floating around on Facebook, stop making decisions out of guilt and fear, and just do your day the way YOU would do it if you didn’t feel so completely judged!
4. You must respond to every need your child has or they will become 1) a psycho murderer 2) stupid or 3) unhappy *GAAAAAAASSSP!!*
Listen to me, yo. Your child’s happiness is not your burden to bear. I know that goes against everything you see out there in cyber article land, but it’s true.
I’m not saying to do this thing like the mom in A Child Called It, I’m just saying why are we all acting like it’s our job to make our kids happy? Our job is to be a fierce protector against evil, and to show our kids how to be good humans; it is not to make sure every heart desire is met because they might feel unloved and become promiscuous or horrible evildoers. Puh-lease.
I think one of the best things we can do for our kids is teach them to deal with reality. Real life isn’t everything you wanted all the time at no cost to you, it’s not constant happiness and no bad days. You don’t have to slap yourself and jump out of bed to get your kids breakfast at 5AM. You can tell them to get their booties back in bed until a normal hour that other homosapiens get up. And guess what? Doing something good for you and hard for them isn’t going to make anyone the next Ted Bundy.
5. Consistency is key.
No it’s not. I mean in discipline and house rules, sure, I think it is. But somehow we all started to believe that we need to give our kids a solid, consistent life to give them stability and confidence. We started to tell ourselves that we have to have all the answers and know what we’re doing in order to be good parents.
You know what? I think one of the greatest gifts I’ve given my kids is inconsistency. We’ve moved eight times in seven years, and one of those moves was cross-country. We’ve left for Disneyland at 9pm and stayed till midnight. We’ve gotten in the car to go get donuts and ended up staying out all day long in our pajamas, just driving around and listening to indie rock. We’ve made plans and broken them because of financial setbacks. We’ve put our daughter in public school and pulled her out mid-year to homeschool her, then put her back in public school again the next year.
Sometimes life happens and it’s good for kids to roll with the waves and learn to be cool with it. I see a quiet confidence in my kids when life gets crazy that I don’t see in other kids, and I love that it’s a result of living life as a family and not shielding them from the normal ups and downs.
Bottom line, mama… you do you. Don’t do what anyone else calls good motherhood. You were chosen out of every woman in the entire world, of every generation that ever existed to be the mom of your kids. You’ve got what it takes to rock this.
Allie Casazza is an intentional living coach, and the blogger behind The Purposeful Housewife. Her passion is helping her fellow women find hope and light and purpose when chaos has stolen their motherhood, and infusing them with intention. She believes motherhood and humor should always go hand-in-hand, otherwise you’ll never get through it.
Allie is the wife of Brian, her seventh grade algebra partner turned sweetheart. They have four small kids, and they’re SoCal natives living in the beautiful Northwest corner of Arkansas.