Oprah Winfrey -- one of the most powerful women on the planet -- was interviewed by Diane Sawyer who asked Oprah an important question. Sawyer stated, "I want you to finish a sentence for me. Before I leave this earth I will not be satisfied until I..." Oprah replied, "Until I make peace with the whole weight thing." Oprah is a billionaire who has had tremendous success, and yet her answer to such a deep and soul-searching question was focused on her discomfort over her weight. I don't know about you, but I do not want to squander any of my precious moments on this earth ruminating about how I would feel better if there were "less of me."
As a mental health therapist and individual who has learned how to accept and appreciate my own body, the following are my tips for working towards body peace.
1. Accept The Thoughts That You Have About Your Body.
The first step in moving away from body hatred is beginning to work towards body acceptance. When you have negative thoughts about your body try saying to yourself "thank you mind for that thought," and then allow it to pass by. You do not have to believe everything that you think. Just because your mind is telling you negative and cruel things about your body, does not mean that these thoughts are a reality. Accept that everyone has negative thoughts to some degree and the less that you allow your negative thoughts to control your behavior, the quieter they will become.
2. Dig Deep and Uncover The Feelings Your Body-Loathing May Be Masking:
The next time you find yourself having a negative thought about your body, I would challenge you to think about what else might be bothering you. Often it is easier to focus on what we dislike about our outward appearance, than to focus on the other issues in our lives that the body-hatred may be masking. Journaling, drawing, talking to a friend, family member, or therapist, about the other things in your life that are causing you to feel stressed, angry, or sad, might help you to focus on where the feelings of body-hatred may be stemming from. Obsessing about our bodies and hurting them through over-exercise, binging, or starving, are coping strategies that we are using to try to escape from pain and uncomfortable emotions. These strategies do not work in the long term, as they only serve to mask our pain and numb us from experiencing it. However, when we numb ourselves from pain, we also prevent ourselves from experiencing happiness and joy.
3. Post Positive Affirmations on Your Mirrors.
Often the place where we experience the most body-hate is when we are looking at ourselves in front of a mirror. Try to add some positive messages to this space by putting post-it notes with words, quotes, and sayings that resonate with you. Some good examples could include the following, "Thankful for my health," "Body-positive role model," "I am enough," and "I am grateful for all my body allows me to do." If you are struggling to come up with positive affirmations, try thinking about if you had a daughter or a younger sister and the messages that you would want her to hear when she looks at her reflection.
4. Find an Activity That Helps You to Feel Connected to Your Body.
Whether it's taking walks with your dog in the sunshine, swimming in the ocean, or taking a gentle yoga class, finding an activity where you feeling grounded and connected to your body can be incredibly helpful when you are struggling with poor body image. Along that same vein, work to decrease behaviors or activities that you engage in which cause you to feel disconnected from your mind and body. Obsessive exercise, starvation, drinking in excess, using drugs, or self-harming, are examples of behaviors that can cause people to feel disconnected, numb, and out of touch with their bodies and their true selves.
5. Get Rid of Your Scale.
Earlier this year, I threw away my scale. I have no idea how much I weigh, and I cannot begin to tell you how much more free that I feel. Weighing yourself will never make you feel better about your body. When we try to seek validation and approval though numbers of calories burned or weight lost, we are boarding a sinking ship. It may feel scary to give up what many feel are the external measures of our health. However, getting rid of this external measure could help you to tune into how your body is actually feeling. Further, many studies have shown that a person's BMI is not an accurate measure of one's health or well-being. In addition, shifts in fluid and other variables can affect the number that is shown on the scale, often falsely causing people to think that they have suddenly "gained a few pounds." A number on a scale cannot tell you anything about your worth as a person, your values, or how beautiful you are to others.
Finally, know that you are certainly not alone in your struggle towards discovering body acceptance. Also, it likely did not take you a brief period of time to develop these negative thoughts about your body and it may take some time to attune to more positive ways of thinking. However, you were given this one life and this one body. It might be time to finally make peace with your body and appreciate all that it enables you to do.