Under this Mercury Retrograde: 6 Reasons to Laugh—Only 1 to Cry

04/06/2017 12:55 pm ET

For those who are a bit hazy about what happens during Mercury retrograde, the world seems to go haywire with miscommunications of all types during the three weeks of Mercury Retrograde, from April 9 to May 3, 2017.

It’s a time when politicians and business leaders (and the rest of us) tend to mis-speak and “stick their foot in their mouths.” They make their worst decisions, often coming back to haunt them. This is our first reason, why we must laugh (rather than cry).

President Donald Trump will be especially affected by this retrograde since he was born with the planet Mercury (i.e. ruling communication, speaking and Tweeting) making a stressful aspect to his Neptune (i.e. ruling fantasy, confusion and deception). This natal aspect has affected his mental processes and communication in strange and troubling ways. It causes him to see and communicate about the world he lives in—in fantasy ways that are often not real.

The truth is irrelevant for him. Facts are not important because the basis of all his communication—speaking or Tweeting is more about what he fantasizes to be true—rather than what is really true, such as his recent claim that former President Obama wiretapped him.

This is the part of President Trump’s horoscope that makes him a magician—and a master of illusion, conning people, saying he will do one thing and then doing another, such as his promise to provide better health care for everyone at a lower price.

But rather than the fantasy he promised, 60 days later, he delivered the reality to the American people, by asking Congress to pass a health care bill that would have resulted in 24 million people losing their health care.

As the great magicians say, “Abracadabra…now you see it—now you don’t!”

Well, if you are observing the Trump presidency and shaking your head like former President George Bush, who recently said of Trump’s Inauguration: “That was some weird sh*t!"

Well, “you ain’t seen nothing.’ Watch the huuuuge communication problems President Trump has over the next three weeks.

For the rest of us, there are many reasons why we may love this Mercury Retrograde because it provides us the perfect explanation for anything we do done wrong over the next three weeks. This cosmic event provides us with the rationale to excuse all the mistakes and misrepresentations we make, the important dates we forget, the matters we screw up, and even the (small) lies we tell. (Thank you for giving us this permission, President Trump.)

Here are six reasons why you may laugh about this Mercury Retrograde.

1. You’re totally off the hook for losing your girlfriend’s yappy dog. Everyone knows that this is a time when things are lost because people are mistake-prone and not thinking clearly. This is the perfect explanation for why you left the gate open and your girlfriend’s dog ran away. It’s also been a fabulous opportunity to be rid of a miserable mutt who peed on the backseat of your new Porsche 918 Spyder, which you love more than life itself. Unfortunately the dog will come back right after Mercury goes direct (hopefully with a greater respect for German carmakers).

2. You can fib a little to have casual sex during the retrograde. When you’re out on the prowl and hoping to hook up with someone for a sexual adventure, it’s so easy to accidentally say things that are untrue, under Mercury’s influence. Here are some examples of mistruths spoken during these three weeks: To the woman you just had casual sex, “Of course, I’ll respect you in the morning.” To the man you just had casual sex, “I’ve never done anything like this before.” You are also covered for other fibs such as: “It’s only a cold sore,” or “Don’t worry, it’s OK — I’m sterile,” or “It was great meeting you and I’ll call you tomorrow.”

3. You can lie with impunity. If you own a laundry: “Your shirts will be ready on Tuesday.” If you’re with a drinking buddy: “This is my last beer,” or “I’ll give you back the $100 you loaned me next week.” If you’re a car salesperson: “It’s supposed to make that noise. Who knew that used car would turn into a lemon after I sold it to you.” If you’re talking to a police officer: “Drinking? Why, no, Officer. Smoking? I never inhaled.” Everyone knows that during the retrograde communication cannot be relied upon. So, it’s not your fault if the other person actually believed you in the first place.

4. Lying is the kind thing to do. During the retrograde, in an effort to be kind, we can creatively tell the truth when in uncomfortable situations. For example: to the man you are not interested in who won’t take no for answer, “But...we can still be good friends.” To a jealous girlfriend, “She means nothing to me.” To a friend who just bought the ugliest outfit you ever saw, “I love your new dress!”

5. You’re free to delude yourself. For example, do you remember what you said to your wife on your recent drive out in the country last week: “Don’t worry, honey, I can go another 20 miles when the gauge is on empty.” Everyone knows that it’s easy to have faulty judgment during the retrograde. How were you suppose to know that once your car ran out of gas, there was no gas station for 40 miles. (Boy, that was a very long walk.)

6. You have an excuse for the mean thing you said about your mother-in-law. Everyone knows that this is a time when people make mistakes in their communications and accidentally say things they don’t really mean. Case in point: you were talking to your wife and trying to express how much you enjoy her mother’s vast intellectual curiosity about your marriage. However, because of Mercury retrograde, somehow your words came out as, “Your mother-in-law is a nosy b*tch!” It’s been three weeks and your wife is likely to move back home with the children any day now. Relax.

President Trump has given us all permission to lie a little. It is the biggest reason why you may laugh and love this Mercury Retrograde.

If you want to know if you were born with Mercury Retrograde; and, where your personal transits are, enter your birth date in the Free Transit Calculator. It will compute your personal transits for 2017 and the planets in your birth chart. Then, make sure to scroll down to the bottom of the page, where you’ll see your planets and the sign they’re in. You will see the sign your moon is in.

If you want to know more about your sign and how the planets may be bringing changes to your life, go to the Free Transit Calculator and enter your birth date. And, if you’re curious to learn what your Horoscope says will be happening this year in such areas as your love relationships, and marriage prospects, as well as career, investments and health: Order your customized Report: Your Horoscope & Future in 2017.

If you want to know about the planets affecting your love compatibility with another person, go to the Free Love Compatibility Calculator and enter your birth date and theirs. And, if you want a customized report on your compatibility together, order Your Love Compatibility Report.

If you want to learn more about Sun sign, go to the Free Horoscope Calculator and enter your birth date. If you want to learn about your unique personality, strengths, weaknesses and talents you were born with, order your: Personal Horoscope Report. It includes a copy of your birth chart.

If you want a Personal Daily Horoscope for your phone , click the link.

Larry Schwimmer is known as “the down-to-earth Astrologer who uses your Horoscope to solve your problems and tell your future!” He is an astrologer in private practice. For a personal consultation, contact him at: Larry@astrodecision.com or go to www.AstroDecision.com

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