My Transgender Life: This One Feels Different

08/08/2017 06:50 am ET Updated Aug 10, 2017

I’ve been working quite hard to tell myself that it is just another one, not all that different than all those that have come before.

I know I am telling myself a lie, hoping that I just might buy into the story enough so that it takes on a reality of its own.

Each decade of my life has had its own sense, its own meaning and often its own feelings of anxiety. Each decade’s celebration – so far – looked forward to the future, with hopes, desires and dreams. This one feels different, oh, so different.

Turing 20, 30, 40, 50 and 60 were never preceded with such deep contemplation and a view of mortality. My thoughts are different, as well as my desires. There is a realization of how blessed I am, in so many ways. This last decade when I, at long last took the risk to live my truth, is, now I realize, just another blessing on my journey. I have no regrets along this road.

But turning 70 feels so different. Back in the sixties the average life span for a male was estimated maxed out to be 68. I passed this marker and know this impacts all of those hopes, desires and dream that I had even a short ten years ago. My biking is harder, and slower, but damn, I am still biking…I tell myself. I transitioned when I was 64, but I am still transitioning in so many ways. I will celebrate again with my kids and now my grandkids. The latter who only know me as Grace – well, except for the old family picture of me on my son’s fridge…. Yes, they are learning that Grace is their daddy’s father. Yes, indeed.

Yes, This one feels different, but as I reflect, each of those decades also felt different. For the first time I consider the question whether I will celebrate another decade’s anniversary, and begin to realize that is not a good use of my time. I laugh as I remember how many times and job interviews asked “where do you see yourself in five years?” I don’t think I will entertain that question again as I am learning to just enjoy the moment, each moment, and understand that I am blessed to be able to do this. For so much of my life I have been chasing rainbows. Perhaps you have too. But now, this too feels different. And it feels perfect!

Grace Anne Stevens inspires people to find their truth and live their authentic life!

She is the author of No! Maybe? Yes! Living My Truth, and Musings on Living Authentically. Grace is available for speaking to all groups who would like to learn the values of, and how to live authentically. Workshop descriptions can be found at her website.

Grace was selected as an Amtrak Residency Writer for 2016; you can share her experiences on the rails on her website https://www.liveurtruth.net/amtrak-blogs.html.

She was also selected as Person of the Year (2017) by New England Pride TV.

Visit her website at: https://www.liveurtruth.net/.

Follow Grace on Twitter: www.twitter.com/graceonboard

Chasing Rainbows
It seems
I’ve been forever chasing rainbows
For pots of gold?
Or just the journeys?
For so long
I have been
colorblind
as I never
stopped
to see
all the colors.
Or even realized
I caught some
And found many
pots of gold.
Why? I wonder!
Was it never enough
as I sought
the next rainbow
to chase
again
and
again
Now, turning seventy
I look over my shoulder
and see so many
colors
I must have missed
on the journey
so far.
Exhaling…..
This long view
of my life,
I fully turn
to face it
all.
With tears
and a
growing smile….
Gratitude…
Joy.
I see rainbows
now
In full colors
that blend
seamlessly
Into each other.
I take my time
knowing
the chase
is….. not….. needed.
The joy lingers
As I watch,
as my eye catches
the light, the colors
and knows
the true
pot
of
gold.
My gratitude
Is
right
H.. E.. R.. E..
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