While sitting at brunch last weekend with four of my closest girlfriends, after exhausting topics of conversation ranging from which parts of our body we'd had laser hair removal on -- and which ones we still wanted to -- to all manner of family drama and new job prospects, talk of course turned to dating.
Whipping out our phones, we immediately started passing them around the table showing one another our latest bumble/hinge/okcupid matches and prospective dates, partially to gain approval and partially to gauge general reactions to the men we deemed worthy of our time.
My most... direct friend promptly proceeded to tell me that most of my matches looked "douchey, but that's kind of your type, Jay"' Gotta love her bluntness. Another's friends' tended to fall a bit more into the nerdy/hipster category. A third was more esoteric and TBH, kind of all over the place with very little in common from one guy to the next.
The conversation continued like this for a bit until one of my friends reached over the table, hands me her phone, and asks "hey Jamie, did you date this guy?"
Me: Hmm... no, don't know him
Her: How about this guy?
Me: Ohhh yea. I spoke to him on Bumble. He was kind of an asshole.
Her: Yea I got that vibe from him.
Friend #2: Let me see. Oh yeah, we went out a few months ago. Told me he had another date later that night after me. Needless to say, there was no second date.
I'd like to say that this was a rare occurrence but, for better or worse, between the four of us -- and my other gal-friends, we've honestly probably dated half of Manhattan's men. Though it seems like the dating pool is huge (there are after all nearly 8.4 million people in this great city), when you think about it, it's our selection is actually much much smaller. Here's why:
• We're all viably employed and looking for men who are similarly so.
• My friends are all attractive so likely to reach for those who are as well.
• Most of my girlfriends are straight so when you eliminate gay men from the mix, the pool is cut in half
• Geographic Desirability. It's real. Get over it.
• Many of my friends are Jewish and most of us would ideally prefer to end up with Jewish mates.
Once you factor all these little components into the equation, the selection of men left to choose from narrows drastically. Throw in the fact that we're friends because we share similar values and interests, and we're all essentially left looking for the same Mr. Right.
Fortunately, in spite of the overlap, we are all for the most part attracted to men who are physically very different from one another. So though we may share dates, we're unlikely to choose to have repeat ones with the same gents. It also puts us in the unique position of being able to swap dates with one another and even If we don't feel a connection with a certain guy would have no qualms about offering him up to one of our friends.
Though the dating pool may be small, it's nice to be able to give hearty, insightful recommendations to one another when the opportunity presents itself. And sometimes, even spare the time and effort of going out with a guy who has already proven to be less than worthy.