I recently visited a doctor whom I hadn't seen in ages and who also happened to be an old family friend. He casually asked how I was coping with the loss of my husband, who passed away from cancer five years ago. When I replied that I was doing well, I received the most unexpected reaction from the man: he began to cry, confessing that many years ago, my husband had lent him money to attend medical school without ever asking for it in return. "Because of him I was able to become a doctor," he said. I never knew this, but the doctor's confession reminded me of the reason I had fallen forever in love with my late husband: his generosity.
We each hold a unique vision of love: You may want a partner who doesn't lie, while I may want a partner who doesn't cheat. Regardless of your own standards and deal breakers, there exist seven real-world character traits that your significant other must possess in order to establish your relationship's full potential. Often, we overlook flaws because we fall in love with a person. This is admirable, but we also have to recognize the principles that mold a partner into a soulmate--those elements that fortify a loving bond for the long run. Consider these seven qualities as essential to fostering an incredible, lifelong partnership:
Generosity. The first quality to seek in a soulmate is generosity. Because there must be financial congruity in a relationship, don't expect to receive the world on a silver platter. Your soulmate should, however, offer unconditional help when you're in need. Remember that generosity is not limited to material matters; your partner should be charitable with time, attention, love, dedication, and assistance. True generosity is rare, so consider this a golden virtue if found in a person.
Emotional stability. The purpose of any relationship is to establish a stable, loving bond that generates inner peace, not a chaotic energy that forces you through extreme highs and lows. Your partner shouldn't leave you emotionally exhausted at the end of the day. Aim for a person who displays consistent feelings, one who doesn't jump suddenly from being angry to excited, or from needy to distant. Such imbalance traps you on an emotional roller coaster that will take a real mental and physical toll on you.
Determination. A person's determination to create his or her own successful path in life will affect the relationship positively. Individual determination sets a healthy pace for the relationship so long as both partners inspire each other towards their own greatness. Be with someone who strives to provide a good life for both of you, but who also encourages you to live out your mission as well. I see many relationships in which one partner relinquishes their career to conform to the other's wishes. In time, this creates a dilapidated dynamic and depletes the drive of one partner.
Sensitivity. Seek a partner who is sensitive. And by sensitive, I don't mean someone who cries a lot! I mean someone who feels the world around them--someone who connects to your needs through emotional intimacy. Beware of settling with a partner who is ignorant to your emotions; you'll find yourself telling them the same thing over and over again, and it'll go in one ear and come out the other. One of the greatest qualities you can find in a partner is someone who knows what you need before you even get the chance to ask them.
Self-care. The way in which someone treats (or mistreats) themselves is reflective of the way in which they will treat you. If your partner self-destructs, how can you expect them to build you up? If they're completely careless with their home, job, belongings, health, or appearance, chances are they won't be able to lend you the care you want and deserve. Look for someone who handles themselves responsibly and gently so that they can extend such behavior to you.
Commitment. Lasting relationships are the deeply fulfilling bonds we crave--not romances that begin and end too quickly. You must be able to depend on someone for the long term; a partner who not only wants to conserve a relationship for the rest of their life, but one who understands the effort, compromise, and sacrifice involved. It is overly simple to become entangled with a person who quits when the going gets tough. But it's a sign of a soulmate when you encounter a partner who both expresses the desire for lifelong commitment and reinforces their words with actions.
Sees the world with the same eyes. A relationship can only be maintained if two people see the world with the same eyes. They need to share the same goals, ideas, and mindset about the future. The partnership will fall apart if one person wants to live in an apartment with no children, and the other wants to live in a big house with a huge family! There's always room for compromise, yes, but two partners must share the same view on the fundamentals of life in order to make it work for good. That relationships transform over time is inevitable, and one partner may evolve differently than the other. What's important is that both partners continue to visualize the same future, despite how each is slowly changing from day to day.
There is no such thing as the perfect person, but there are certain elements we must seek in our partner to ensure a durable relationship of good quality. Pursue love according to these seven principles to encounter a person who might just be your soulmate.
To generous love,
Dr. Carmen Harra and Alexandra Harra
To find out about The Karma Queens' Guide to Relationships, click here.
For more by Dr. Carmen Harra, click here.
For more by Alexandra Harra, click here.
For more on relationships, click here.