9 Things You Should Never Say To A Single Girl In Her 30s

03/09/2017 03:29 pm ET Updated Mar 09, 2017

We’ve all said things we shouldn’t have and made careless offhand comments; without intending to offend anyone, we somehow do. And for reasons unknown, single, childless women of a certain age seem to be on the receiving end of these types of digs more often than others. Some members of society identify this particular genre of human as tragic and will offer unsolicited advice to help save them from their allegedly dire circumstances — but we’d advise that if you encounter a woman who falls into this category, you simply zip your lip. Here, nine things you absolutely should not say to a single woman over 30.

When’s your next colonoscopy? None of our business — just like what we do or don’t do with our eggs is none of yours.

We super appreciate your concern, but never say this to any woman unless she's someone you would call to your deathbed.

You probably need couples counseling, but we're not offering you that unsolicited life advice, are we? 

We have a feeling that being a parent is really hard, so we're going to forgive the condescension with which you said this. We hope you get some sleep soon!

We don't even know what this phrase means, but we feel like you heard it from your mom and it's somehow soothing for you to parrot it back to us. We're just trying to live our life, regardless of how "settled down" it is.

We hate to break it to you, but everyone dies alone — as far as we know, we don’t get to take anyone with us when we go. But now that you mention it, no, we don’t want to be alone on our deathbeds, so we guess we should get on Tinder ASAP while simultaneously freezing our eggs so we can settle (err, settle down) with someone we barely know just because our time is running out and we’re dying alone soon. Help… 

We hate to break it to you, but everyone dies alone — as far as we know, we don't get to take anyone with us when we go.

Good to know. We hope that when they parade us out in front of our potential buyers, we look fresh enough to warrant a bid. Because appearances are critical criteria for forming a lifelong bond and producing offspring.

Now that we know you feel this is the best we can do, we're going to go ahead and die alone as quickly as we possibly can. With all our eggs, unfrozen. Thanks so much! 

Good luck, girlfriend! Because no single-in-her-30s-or-beyond woman ever said the same thing when she was your age. (LOL!)

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