A Deadly Addiction to Gummy Vitamins

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I've done something I'm not proud of. It's one of those things you think could never happen to you. Then it does. You look in your bathroom mirror and realize you've become a junkie. Yesterday, I accidentally overdosed. I'm not proud of it. I'm only coming forward to let others know that they are not alone. My demon, my drug of choice, if you will, is easily available on the street or over-the-counter. It's the Flintstones Gummies Complete for children. Who knew?

I've taken vitamins safely for years. My rational mind knows all too well that these overpriced little tablets and capsules and chewables are as useless as a screen door on a submarine. They do absolutely nothing other than make your pee pretty, which, I kinda like. But my irrational mind reasons that taking vitamins somehow counteracts all the bad things I do to my body, like drinking bottled water and breathing fresh air. How could I have known that vitamins, even those cute little Flintstone character-shaped treats would reveal themselves to be the enemy. Ten million strong and throwing (up).

I had a 6 p.m. conference call last night, an hour after taking my eighth One-A-Day Men's Multi Gummies with the fabulous fruit taste of real berries along with two L'il Critters Vitamin D3 Gummies and two additional Nature Made Multi Gummies featuring orange, cherry and mixed berries. This was in addition to an afternoon serving of two Pebbles and a Wilma from my Flintstones stash (which is the only brand that offers the latest recommended level of Vitamin D. It says so on the bottle). It's the berry taste that I'm berry addicted to (did you see what I did there?). Plus, there's the good fortune of no added high fructose corn syrup, which I get my recommended daily intake from in the form of a morning Pepsi. Come time for my call, my body was reacting to the toxic levels of the fat-soluble vitamins A, D, E and K in my system. My head started spinning. My stomach ached in that familiar way it does just before a 24-hour virus kicks into high gear. I felt a twinge of folic acid fever. The excess zinc really zonked me. I began experiencing vision problems and clumsiness. But bravely, I took the call.

After downing some Aleve and taking some long, deep breaths, I joined the conference. My puke bowl was at my side just in case. I got through without the parties on the other end realizing I was gummie-goosed. But while I fooled them, I didn't fool myself. Once the call ended, I made my way into the bathroom. I deliberately did not look at myself in the mirror as I surrendered to my addiction and swallowed a Bam Bam and two Dinos (without chewing) before finding my way to my bed. I laid my body down, desensitized and defeated. I didn't have the strength to even leave a note.

I woke up this morning. I've come to realize now that waking up in the morning is the best way to start the day. No stomach pains. No messy puke bowl cleanup. I'm so grateful that I've been given a second chance - unscathed. I mean, I'm already a cancer survivor (yes, I had a cancerous mole removed once from my shoulder). Now, I'm determined to be a Gummy Glutton survivor (albeit a Gluten free one). With a will as strong as Bam Bam, and the suspicion that gummy supplements are deliciously disguised crack in a cartoon bottle, I am making the adult choice to cut down on my children's gummy intake. No more than a Barney and half-a-Fred daily. And maybe a bonus Mr. Slate on a bad day. If I can do it, anyone can.

If you suffer from a Vitamin Gummy addiction, please call 9-1-1, your poison control center, or the Bedrock Stoned Helpline.
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