A Little Ashley in Us All

A Little Ashley in Us All
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Hackers screw Ashley Madison clients!

It's a simplistic but accurate headline for the promise-made-good by The Impact Team, hackers acting as a Robin Hood-esque renegade band of moral police who stole, then dumped, identities/records of 32 million Ashley Madison subscribers. For anyone waking up after a long nap, Ashley Madison is a website that invites married folks to find a hookup outside their monogamous relationship. Shock-filled comments are still pouring in over the magnitude of this unprecedented security breach, which has engulfed not just the millions of members, but their families, friends and work places.

The newest intel blanketing the zeitgeist is the realization that far more "Ashers" than Ashleys dominated the site to a ratio of 5.5 males to every female. So it's not surprising (especially if it's women wagging tongues over how all men are dogs) that most would rather summarize the whole nasty bit of business with a "too bad so sad" for the cheaters.

Perhaps even the hackers feel deserving of a pat on the back; as if they should be lauded for unmasking the "cheaters" in the pursuit of defending a higher moral ground. Maybe the social apiary is content to smugly point fingers and gossip about whom else besides Josh Duggar was one of "them." That's not my style, however. Being judgmental isn't a necessary or useful part of any conversation. At best, it's a distraction from taking a deeper look at what I call our "consciousness equation." That's worthwhile to discuss, so let's begin with a simple truth. There's a little Ashley in each of us.

Before you jump to conclusions, no, I am not in favor of cheating. In fact, I have an aversion, bordering on a severe allergic reaction to fooling around behind a significant other's back. Most of you reading this post don't know me, so trust that my backstory reads like a reality show (not the one I was already on). Sadly, my love life is full of multiple narcissists (aka ex-husbands) -- one of whom was a cheater, someone I consider the ultimate baddie, though for reasons separate and apart from his cheating ways. He is my "psycho ex," and he didn't just cheat on me, he did so while I was pregnant with our second child. He was a true sociopath who also happened to be a diagnosed sex addict with anti-social personality disorder. Oh yeah, he was also a pathological liar, proving that even the best of us can have the worst "picker" imaginable! Trust me when I tell you, I know full well what it feels like to be the "woman scorned."

You would think I'd be the first person to jump on the hater wagon against the millions of extra-marital affair seekers whose records were hacked and exposed. But I don't judge -- not even the cheaters. If I've learned anything in life or through my work as a Certified Past Life Regressionist, it's that relationships are our greater teachers and cheating is a mirror for the dissatisfaction of where we are in our lives. I mean, really: Look in the mirror. Have we all been perfectly content, transparent and authentic in every single relationship we've ever had?

Nope, I didn't think so. It's just that most of us don't act on our discontent; in fact, we often suffer for long periods. Worse, even if we want to make a change for the better, we don't know how to fix our less than ideal relationships.

From my perspective as a Past Life Regressionist, I can tell you with some certainty that all of our major life experiences are a part of what we sign up for when we incarnate. That most definitely includes the good, the bad and the ugly. Accepting there is a purpose behind everything is the first step to understanding our consciousness equation. All of our "hot messes" and disappointments help us by inviting us to evaluate whatever feels broken, whether that be our intentions, relationships or our innate ability to manifest a better situation -- something that really could serve our highest and best good. So the formula for our consciousness equations is simple: the messier the situation, the greater catalyst for our soul's growth = an opportunity to do our homework, and really learn our life lessons.

How does this apply to say, your love life? Let's say you're less than thrilled with a current relationship. Do you know how you got here? Was it by doing what was expected of you your whole life? Did you trust your gut every time you were faced with a big life or relationship decision? Has every major life/relationship choice resonated with you in that quiet, but powerful "inner voice"? Probably not, but hopefully you didn't completely ignore your intuition, wisdom and inner strength too many times. If you did... you may just be one of the folks who was, or almost got precariously close to becoming, an Ashley Madison statistic.

What matters most when evaluating your disappointment with your S.O. is coming into conscious contact with what's motivating your feelings. It's transformative to identify, allow and hold a space for the underlying emotions behind a failing/failed relationship including loss, anger, abandonment, disconnection, vengeance, frustration or sadness. Now you must consider that rationalization is unnecessary and accept how "justifiable" these feelings are. The unconscious driver for cheating may be a neglectful, mean-spirited or worse, abusive partner. The list is endless and I won't go into all the reasons we lose the shine in our relationships. Whatever you're feeling is real for you, and you don't have to qualify or justify to anyone, starting with you.

The trickiest part of this consciousness equation is where do you go from here? Whether we want to admit it or not, we have all experienced, AND caused in someone else: hurt, betrayal, guilt, shame, pain, sorrow or regret. Often our actions are a direct result of how we're feeling but are sometimes the sideways or backdoor method of getting a message across.

Let's say the toughest part of finding your way -- really finding your way -- isn't about signing up to a fraudulent website that peddles fantasy and little else, but asking and answering the hard questions about how you are in relationship, with yourself and others. True inner wisdom comes from consciously responding to human nature, including the parts that can be counted on to be gross, unpredictable and often completely blind. That's how consciousness and life lessons work.

When something isn't right don't ignore it or maintain status quo. There is no growth in that and that's not why you as a soul, signed up for this joyride called life. If you don't take steps to change whatever is wrong -- the Universe will progress from whispering, to giving you a mild nudge, to slapping you upside your head. For those who found themselves exposed in the Ashley-apocalypse's dark web database, you didn't pay attention to the signs, and sought a solution using the wrong tool. That's why you got smacked upside the head. No worries. Every day is a chance to become conscious and if not, there's always your next incarnation.

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