I find it interesting that a number of feminists who are neither activists nor pioneers are genuinely upset by the fact that I continued a twice-yearly relationship with my former Afghan husband once he and his family fled the Soviet invasion in 1979-1980. Yes, he, his second wife and their two young children did turn to me for help when they arrived in America. I have never dealt with this critique but finally did so this past July.
I wrote a letter to Lilith Magazine in response to their 2015 review of An American Bride in Kabul, a book which I published in 2013 and which received a National Jewish Book Award for that year. I am not sure whether Lilith published my letter. I have made several inquiries but have not received an answer. In any event, here is that letter:
Dear Editor:
Thank you for having Elana Szotkman review my book, AN AMERICAN BRIDE IN KABUL, It is my great pleasure to appear once again in your pages. However, please allow me to make several points.
First, contrary to the review, I was never forced to wear hijab (a headscarf) or any other Islamic clothing in Kabul nor was I punished for wearing a bikini on my own balcony: I was merely urged to come inside immediately lest the matter set off a firestorm of outside disapproval. Far more important: I was pressured to convert to Islam every day--a pro forma demand upon all infidel wives.
Second, the reason this book won a 2013 National Jewish Book Award was partly due to my chapter about what happened to the Jews and Hindus of Afghanistan and how their fate directly affected the fortune of my Afghan family. There--and elsewhere--I also write about Islamic religious apartheid and about the Jews of Islam (Iran, Turkey, Afghanistan, and the Arab world.)
A number of feminist reviewers, including Lilith's reviewer, could not understand why I ever had anything to do with a man who had betrayed me. When this adventure began at an American college, I was 18 years old. I fled Kabul three months after I turned 21 or five full months after my arrival there. Twenty years later, when my Afghan husband and his family arrived in America, in flight from the Soviets, I was no longer at this man's mercy--I was already a feminist leader, the author of three books, a Professor of Psychology, a founder of Women's Studies, and the mother of a beloved toddler son. Also, as both an American and a Jew, I felt obligated to welcome the immigrant "stranger" in our gates. Our once-a- year meetings, which took place over a 30-year period, became a writer's treasure. Perhaps my experience in Afghanistan led me to become one of the world's leading feminist researchers on honor-based violence, including honor killing. I was able to turn my dangerous experience into a feminist advantage in terms of our global understanding of gender apartheid.
Once again, thank you so much for having this book reviewed. It means a lot to me.
Best,
Dr. Phyllis Chesler