An Open Letter to Candy Corn

09/18/2017 03:09 pm ET Updated Sep 19, 2017

Candy Corn is one of my very favorite things.

I love my family, my friends and my dog is okay I guess but come September/October, please don’t make me choose between any of these things and my two-and-a-half-pound bag of Candy Corn. Just don’t.

If there’s one thing I have learned over the years of proclaiming my love for the treat that screams Halloween it’s that people have strooong feelings about candy corn — they love it or they hate it. It’s like cilantro. Or watermelon Jolly Ranchers. Or camping or babies...there’s no in between.

Because I am a loud and proud card-carrying corn club member I have decided to write this open letter, because nowadays, people write open letters to things that are important to them all the time. To their childhood self. An ex-boyfriend. To carbohydrates...or to their upper arms. I did that once and my upper arms never wrote me back. I’m hoping this goes better. Here goes.

Hey. Candy Corn. It’s been a year and let me start off by saying, you’re looking good spread out on display in all your autumnal yellow, orange and white glory. As president of your fan club and to show you how serious I am there’s a few things I feel I need to get out. Big things. Important things. Here are a few points (get it?!) I want to make sure you know.

  • I will never eat Candy Corn before September because I know like a juicy strawberry mid-July, there is a season where certain things are perfection. Candy Corn has a short window of just two months, September through October -- sometimes into November if the harvest is good.
  • I will only eat Brach’s as anyone else reading this should. Period. The end. I will not eat that cheaper brand and I will shun the waxy small package at the supermarket checkout because they are shameful imitations of what Candy Corn should be. Brach’s is soft, chewy and made with real honey. It is the king of corn, accept no substitutes.
  • I will not eat the harvest mix with the pumpkins and the corn with the chocolate stripe because I am not a monster. I don’t think I need to go into further detail about this.
  • I know that “Easter Corn” is not Candy Corn. Don’t be fooled. I once was and I was upset. Stick with the chocolate, Mr. Easter Bunny, you can’t slap some pastel colors on something and think it’s legit. Ditto goes for Santa with that red green and white nonsense.
  • Recipes with Candy Corn are extra delicious and make my teeth tingle in a way no other confection ever has before. I’ve made white chocolate Candy Corn cookies, Candy Corn cake and Candy Corn bark that made my heart race and my eyes water. I don’t even bake but if a recipe involves Candy Corn I’m willing to give it a go.

In closing of my open letter I’d like to say I very openly love you – perhaps I open up about you too much. I think that people who say they hate you, or that you are disgustingly sweet just don’t know the real you.

Thank God fall is upon us — the season that has all the good things; Halloween, tights, sweaters, crunchy leaves underfoot and the best candy ever.

Stay sweet. I know you will. I love you.

Lori

Lori’s website, Drawn to the ‘80s, is where her 5-year-old drew the hit songs of the 1980’s. Her blog, Once Upon a Product, is where she writes about important things like candy, beauty products and her Mick Jagger obsession.

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