And thank you, God, for Arnott's Pizza Shapes. Amen.

08/18/2017 03:07 am ET Updated Aug 18, 2017
Pic via: Social Soup

Arnotts Shapes, you made my gratitude list yesterday.

I know, I’m one of those annoying people who smile at seemingly insignificant things. Like, biscuits… And keep lists of things that make me happy.

Allow me to explain —

You see, I was having a tantrum yesterday. Things were not good for me in ‘Rebecca land’. I was complaining to my partner that I just couldn’t take another night of tasteless chicken and veggies for dinner; I wanted carbs goddamn it, and I wanted every type!

(I confess, the period monster was out in full swing)

I was battling a migraine and some uncontrollable food cravings. I wanted spaghetti, bread and biscuits, and when I say biscuits, I mean only Arnotts pizza shapes would do.

My partner knew better than to try and reason with me when I was in such a state. Instead, he did what any good man would do, and he drove me to the nearest supermarket so I could speed-walk over to the biscuit aisle and buy my beloved pizza shapes.

Alas, I’d forgotten something most important…

In an unappreciated act of spontaneity (or extremely poor judgement) last year, Arnotts decided to change the recipe of their three biggest selling flavours:

  • BBQ;
  • Pizza — my beloved, and;
  • Cheese and Bacon.

I think their aim was to make them healthier, or something but…I mean… At what cost?! The last time I’d tried them I was bitterly disappointed. They tasted like the cheaper, copycat version of themselves. Like something you’d find in Aldi.

I almost teared up as I stood there, gazing up at a shelf-full of Shapes boxes, a bleeding vagina and a migraine. I was torn, now. I thought;

Should I buy a box anyway, just lick the delicious pizza seasoning off? Or
Should I let this defeat me & pick another snack?

Ultimately, I grabbed a box of my usual (I pride myself on my loyalty) and stuck it under my arm, stalking off to find the frozen spaghetti meal and a loaf of bread.

Because, CARBS. 

(Period said so)

In the car on the drive home, I couldn’t help myself, I tore open my box of pizza shapes and took a peek inside, reaching for my first few biscuits. My hand was jammed inside the box when my partner suddenly chimed in:

“How good is it that they went back to their original biscuit recipe? Apparently, they lost so much money when they changed it.”

Say what, darling husband?!

This was news to me. Fantastic, news.

It turns out; I wasn’t the only one bitterly dismayed with Arnott’s spontaneous recipe change. A deluge of disgruntled facebook comments was left on the Arnott’s Shapes Facebook page: 

I had to see if this was true. I shoved the few biscuits hurriedly into my mouth, and my hand greedily dove back in for more. Squinting in the darkness of the car, I inspected them, turning them over and over in my hand and checking their biscuity complexion. They looked golden and thicker — back to their usual appearance.

Halle-fuckin-lujah!! It was true!!

We drove home in the dark, the only sound was of me, crunching down on my box of Arnotts Shapes, a smile finally creeping over my face.

And that, Arnotts, is why your legendary Pizza flavoured Shapes, made my gratitude list for 20 April 2017. See, I buy your pizza shapes as a treat — or when I’m at my lowest of lows. Once a month, I sit down and allow myself some hormonal comfort eating. I don’t care that they aren’t ‘healthy’, or that their health star rating is only a two, because, they’re just a sometimes food for me. As I’m sure they are for many other biscuit-loving Australians,  and I’m so thankful that I can get back to being unhealthily reliant on them to cure my terrible period cravings.

Yours faithfully,

Rebecca - Pizza Shape Enthusiast

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