Clinton Campaign in Tatters After Losing Crucial Susan Sarandon Vote

Hillary Clinton's presidential hopes took a serious blow recently when it was learned that she could not count on the all-important Susan Sarandon vote, either in the California primary or in the general election this November. After months of racking up an impressive delegate lead, the Clinton campaign suffered its first significant setback in losing Sarandon, who was once considered a lock, especially given her appearance in Thelma and Louise.

"Obviously, we're not happy about it," said an anonymous campaign staffer in a phone interview. "We figured the only older white voter we couldn't bring in was Bernie Sanders himself. I guess we were wrong."