Daddy, why don't you love me?
Imagine saying those words at 7 years old. I think I said them to myself 100 times. I never said them to him. Him, is my father. I called him "Him" for a long time until one day he told me never to say it again.
At the time, I had no idea how these words would affect my adult life. My father was by no means perfect, but he decided to leave my mom before I was even born. My mom was a single mother and I was a mean little fatherless daughter. I look back now, almost 22 years ago, and I see the effects of being without my father.
I was angry. I was vindictive. I always wanted to be the best. I couldn't hold a stable relationship. I couldn't keep a friend.
Could this be the effect of being fatherless?
Currently, 70% of pregnant teenagers are fatherless. 70%. In my culture, a pregnant teenager is labeled as hot in the ass. The truth is that she's looking for love, but you know what's sad?
Even if she finds love, she will continuously hold her significant other to a level that he may never reach.
I know this because I am now a fatherless wife. It took me 10 years to forgive my father and repair our relationship, but it still has effects on my marriage despite me doing the one thing I needed to do.
Every fatherless woman needs to know this one thing:
Forgiveness is your ONLY way out.
It's so easy to type, but it's so much harder to perform. Trust me, I know. I always felt as though my father didn't love me or want me. The truth is that he was ashamed. He couldn't stand my mom and didn't want me to see the arguments. He couldn't face me after things not working out with my mom. He couldn't face me when he didn't have the funds for child support.
My escape from this pain began with sexual promiscuity, short lived friendships, disrespecting my mother, and ultimately giving up a child of my own in a way I will forever regret.
63% of youth suicides occur in a fatherless home. I remember being suicidal in my teens and thinking that was the only way out of hell. I thought I was in hell. Everyone had a daddy except me. I believe that the love of a father for a little girl is the most important bond on this earth and I never had the chance to experience that bond.
I come from a race and culture where fathers run. They don't walk away, most run. I'll never understand the mind of men who leave their children.
I can forgive them. I can speak from the voice of that little girl who always wanted to cuddle with my daddy. I can speak from that wife who is expecting her husband to do everything her father didn't do.
Forgiveness is the absolute first step in repairing your heart. It seems so simple when reading it, but I promise you will become a more accomplished woman in the long run.
Understand that his battle wasn't with you and you are not the reason he left.
Daddy, why don't you love me, you ask?
Trust me. He does and will forever.