PARENTING
05/16/2016 05:19 pm ET Updated May 18, 2016

Dad's Texts About His Kid Throwing Up Are Parenting Comedy Gold

"It smells SO BAD."

All it took was a little vomit to turn this dad's day upside down. 

Warning: The story and photo below might make readers a bit squeamish.

In a Facebook post from May 13, Ben Patterson wrote that he and his wife switched cars after work and on the way home "projectile vomit occurred" with one of his kids. According to screenshots of the texts he sent to his wife during the incident, what happened next is pure parenting comedy gold.  

"I just pulled over and am trying not to throw up on myself," he texted his wife, adding later, "It smells SO BAD."

Patterson wrote in the texts that he did end up vomiting -- in someone's yard.

"I'm puking on some lady's lawn in Burlingame and she comes out to ask me if I'm drunk while driving the kids," he texted. "I'm trying to explain that I'm a sympathetic vomiter and can't handle the smell. This is SO BAD."

In what might be the most unlikely plot twist of all, Patterson texted his wife explaining that the cops then turned up and that he was asked to do a breathalyzer test. The father has since written on his Facebook page that he threw in this part as "dramatic effect" for his wife and that the police showing up didn't actually happen.

"The 'barf heard round the world’ was bad, but it didn’t include a breathalyzer!" he wrote. 

During the vomiting fiasco, Patterson continued to text his wife despite not hearing back from her. In the comments of the viral post, he wrote that she didn't hear her phone while at a loud restaurant with friends. At one point he asked her about what their son ate that day because it smelled like "rotting whale blubber."

In the end, the dad texted that he got some good news though.

"At least I passed the breathalyzer," he joked.

Gotta love his optimism.

This article has been updated with additional statements from Patterson. Read the rest of his texts in full below.

 
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