Most of us set out into the dating world hoping to land our ideal partner quickly and effortlessly. However, sometimes we crave this connection so badly; we lose sight of or ignore the truth of what bologna we are seeing in our partner and choose only to see the "good." The desperation we have for companionship can often outweigh our logic and intuition and we end up denying or making excuses for behavior that is substandard to our worth in order not to be alone.
Although I honor the soul who focuses on the good in others; the dating world requires removing all veils and entering with eyes WIDE open.
Closing our eyes to truth not to be alone is the sure path to pain. When we are desperate for attention and love, we undermine our potential by ignoring the red flags coming our way. We tend to follow his/her words instead of his/her actions. We seek to make him/her love US instead of deciding if we can love him/her!
I know this story well because it was me.
Here's a thought...
How about if you viewed each dating experience as "practice" rather than a means to an end? An opportunity to practice your authenticity, morals, values and self-worth to see if who you truly are is cohesive with whom he/she truly is? We cannot attract someone who is ideal for us if we are not displaying our genuine nature or we are settling for less than what we deserve. Dating can give us the practice we so desperately need in order to strengthen our self-worth. With a good sense of self-worth, our energy shifts, our intuition strengthens and we begin to attract better people to us.
By viewing dating as practice, we take the expectation and pressure out of the relationship from the start. Instead, we focus on getting to know ourselves and our potential partners before flying into the sack in a mad attempt to seal the deal. As we know, this only results in piles of regret and digs our lack of self-esteem pit even deeper.
Dating is the perfect classroom to discover more fully what we would enjoy in an ideal partner AND it gives us an opportunity to practice our self-worth until it becomes our new normal.
We can't know what we want until we know what we don't want and dating gives us that opportunity.
I remember a time when I thought with every guy I dated, "This is it! He's the one!" The only requirement for a date was dependent on whether or not I was physically attracted to him. Not much more. Then I'd allow his humor, attention, sex or whatever tidbits he gave me to take over. I would ignore any and all BS that was coming my way. I'd excuse his crap behavior with, "But we have such a great connection!" Fooey on connection! Human beings can have connection with oodles of people. We don't have to view every "connection" as our perfect partner. True connection and lasting companionship begins and ends with respect. If we are not looking any further than surface, every time we attempt to go deeper or feel more secure, we will experience disappointment.
Connection with a potential partner should only signal us to look a little closer and begin exploring more deeply who this person really is.
It took several ridiculous relationships for me to finally realize I had a pattern and that pattern was not knowing what I wanted and deserved and settling each time out of desperation. Relationships are designed to show us our patterns if we are willing to see them. They have the capacity to illuminate precisely where we live our worth and where we do not.
Furthermore, relationships will show us where we are compromising our sacred self not to be alone and just how much disrespect we are willing to take until we are broken down once again.
It's important to remember this little fact:
If we are not requiring anything better, we will not get anything better.
A healthy, reciprocal relationship requires a healthy you. By dating with eyes wide open, you are being given the perfect space to practice honoring yourself each and every time an opportunity arises. This is how we cultivate self-worth and this is how we attract our ideal mate!
For more information on Kristen and her fabulous work please visit:
www.kristenbrown.org .