Despite Dwindling Oxygen Supply, Astronauts Refuse to Return to Earth Until After Election

08/05/2016 04:38 pm ET Updated Aug 10, 2016
<i>"Those poor fools down there"</i>
ASC-CSA.gc.ca
"Those poor fools down there"

Astronauts Kate Rubins and Jeff Williams have postponed their return trip to Earth until after the U.S presidential elections in November. Rubens stated, “We’re going to stay up here until everyone calms the f*ck down a bit.” The oxygen supplies aren’t designed for an extended trip but co-pilot Williams said, “We’ll take our chances. Plus, I’ve seen The Martian. If Matt Damon can do it then I sure as shit can too”. 

NASA is nervous about the integrity of the spaceships hull, hoping that it can withstand extended space travel. NASA spokesperson said, “this was always a fear of ours. We had been telling the astronauts that Jeb Bush had won the nomination but they became suspicious when they overheard mission control whisper, ‘how is he still in the race?’ under their breaths.” 

On the positive side, NASA has seen a sharp rise in applications in the past year. “It seems like the idea of leaving the planet has suddenly become very appealing” says NASA spokesperson. 

 

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