"Don't Touch Me There": Mood Music for Your Next TSA Pat-Down

The TSA is apparently taking a very hands-on approach to airport security these days with their new and supposedly improved pat-downs. Here then is some loosely fitting mood music for your next airport close encounter.
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The Transportation Security Administration is apparently taking a very hands-on approach to airport security these days with their new and supposedly improved pat-downs. And while I enjoy a good groping under the right circumstances, I tend to prefer said touching occur once I arrive at my final destination. I also prefer that any pat-down be performed in the context of my committed, monogamous relationship with my beautiful wife rather than by a same gender officer in a public space with poor lighting and firearms nearby. Call me a romantic, but I also like a little nice music and possible candlelight -- though I recognize that lit candles at the airport might prove problematic on some level. Here then is some loosely fitting mood music for your next airport close encounter.

"DON'T TOUCH ME THERE" - The Tubes
"CAN YOU FLY" - Freedy Johnston
"EXPECTING TO FLY"- Buffalo Springfield
"SECURITY" - Etta James
"AIRPORT LOVE THEME" - Stanley Turrentine
"SOMETIMES WHEN WE TOUCH" - Dan Hill
"FALLING OR FLYING" - Grace Potter & The Nocturnals
"AIRPORT" - Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers
"FLYING" - The Beatles
"IF LOVE WAS A PLANE" - Brad Paisley
"TOUCH AND GO" - The Cars
"I BELIEVE I CAN FLY" - R. Kelly
"LAY YOUR HANDS ON ME" - Peter Gabriel
"STRAIGHTEN UP AND FLY RIGHT" - Nat King Cole Trio
"TAKE ME TO THE PILOT" - Elton John
"HOW IT FEELS TO FLY" - Alicia Keys
"LEARN TO FLY" - Foo Fighters
"DO YOU WANT TO TOUCH ME (OH YEAH)" - Gary Glitter
"SECURITY" - Southside Johnny & The Asbury Jukes
"GIVEN TO FLY" - Pearl Jam
"WATCHING AIRPLANES" - Gary Allan
"THE WAY YOU TOUCH ME" - Enrique Iglesias
"AIRPORT SONG" - Guster
"HUMAN TOUCH" - Bruce Springsteen
"SECURITY JOAN" - Donald Fagen
"EVERYTHING THAT TOUCHES YOU" - The Association
"THE AIRPORT GIVETH (THE AIRPORT TAKETH AWAY)" - Rick Derringer

Remove your keys and shoes, and tell me what terminally catchy songs you'd add

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