Effort is Everything When Looking for Love

One of the most common complaints I hear from the single people I meet each week is, “Dating is so much work!” While I understand the sentiment, singles would be much happier if they started thinking of that “work” as an investment in themselves and their future partner. The truth is, investment starts on Day 1, or perhaps even Day 0.

To begin with, being the type of person you want to attract starts even before putting intention to find someone out into the universe. Waiting for someone to be dropped on your doorstep pretty much only happens in Hollywood movies and porn flicks. Setting an intention, making a plan, or putting up a dating profile are all actions that you are ready to find love, and you’re also ready to take the time, energy, money and priority to make it happen.

If you’re online dating, writing a good profile is important. If your profile is empty or sparse, and your initial messages are as brief as just a few words or one measly sentence, then you are conveying that you aren’t going to put effort into the rest of the dating ritual.

Planning the first date fairly quickly, talking on the phone or texting, leading up to the first date, and between subsequent dates, all convey that you are serious about finding love again. Maintaining momentum matters.

Paying attention to how you look when meeting someone new is also a good indicator of interest. It’s easy to believe that grown ups would know to wear the nice clothes, fix the hair, brush the teeth and do all the hygiene things, but you would be surprised at the “things” people don’t do, like forget their wallet. Don’t overdo it though and look like you’re going out for New Years Eve, but put your best foot forward to show you are hoping for a special time together.

One of the biggest injustices we have in modern dating, (besides ghosting, hello!), is the quickie first date! Don’t plan or subject yourself to this interview-style-catwalk-approval-rating genre of dating. This practice takes the humanity out of dating and makes us both feel like objects but also makes us consumers instead of lovers.

Another huge component in finding love is showing up....as your authentic self! Restrict yourself from playing dating games, talk about whatever topic comes up organically, try to be open and genuine as possible. A lot of singles struggle with this on early dates and it ends up with the other person feeling like they thought they knew you, only to find out later, once your authentic self does really let their guard down, that you aren’t who they thought they were falling for. Be yourself...chances are there is someone out there who will fall for you, flaws and all.

Finally, if you find yourself lacking the ability to put forth even the simple efforts I mentioned here, evaluate why? Is it fear of rejection? Is it a trust-of-the-opposite-sex issue? Is it a fear of getting hurt again? Or is it that you’re being emotionally lazy? Regardless, figure out what the cause is and then weigh it against your desire to find love. I’d venture to bet that if you look at it objectively, you may realize that your desire for love can overcome the prospect of rejection or getting hurt again.

I, for one, am betting on LOVE...after all, life is about relationships first, and everything else is just everything else.

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