Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 140-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
March Madness: When I don't know whether to dress my kids in a winter coat or shorts and I'm always wrong.— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) March 21, 2016
You wouldn't believe all of the Easter eggs I just found lying in the grass outside of this pre-school.— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) March 24, 2016
An easy way to explain parenting is like when my toddler asks for a bubble bath and then screams because her bubble bath is too bubbly.— Court (@Discourt) March 24, 2016
Me: I'll be ready in 2 minutes!— Domestic Goddess (@DomesticGoddss) March 22, 2016
7: YOU SAID THAT A THOUSAND TRILLION MILLION YEARS AGO!
Looks like neither of us really have a grip on time.
Easter tip: Tell your kids you hid an egg with $50 in it in the backyard but you don't remember where. Enjoy a quiet day indoors.— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) March 23, 2016
Parents say a lot of things over and over. For example, I just said "Please don't pull Daddy's pants down in public." for the 500th time.— Father With Twins (@FatherWithTwins) March 24, 2016
my hero today is the little first grade girl who just accepted an award at this honor roll ceremony in her bathrobe. you are champion— keply (@keplyq) March 23, 2016
I don't have anything planned for today. Guess my kids will be annoying me for the next 12 to 14 hours.— Stacey Gill (@OneFunnyMotha) March 23, 2016
Knowing when your child needs to poop is the real secret to parenting.— No Idea: Daddy Blog (@byclintedwards) March 23, 2016
1) Squeeze on brush, handle, hands & countertop— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) March 24, 2016
2) Rub on teeth for 3 seconds
3) Spit out violently
- if kids wrote toothpaste directions
Kids say the cutest things.— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) March 21, 2016
My son just asked me, "Mom, who will make our lunches if you're ever in the hospital?"
Thanks to my 3yo I learned that Windex and a lot of elbow grease gets nail polish out of carpet. You're welcome.— Toni Hammer (@realtonihammer) March 22, 2016
It takes a village...to do 11's Common Core math apparently.— Momzilla111 (@Momzilla111) March 23, 2016
I like it when 6 tells me stories at breakfast because I can pretend I'm listening while running the blender.— Make Meh Great Again (@TheAlexNevil) March 24, 2016
I know my kids are getting older because they don't flop on the floor screaming like a banshee if I give them a blue cup instead of green.— THE Diaper Dad (@DiaperDads) March 25, 2016
9yo: "I'm a Jedi master. I can do whatever I want."— Wendy S. (@maughammom) March 23, 2016
*boops my nose
With classics like "I like you, but not as much as the rest of our family," I feel our 4yo would dominate the greeting card industry.— Mike Reynolds (@PuzzlingPostDad) March 24, 2016
"So what needs to happen so this gets done?" Me: Three cups of coffee.— The Next Martha (@TheNextMartha) March 23, 2016
Quit your whining, you sound like my kids when I lock myself in the bathroom.— Downtime Dad (@DowntimeDad) March 24, 2016
The kids are quiet. I'm not sure if I should be thrilled or terrified.— Stella G. Maddox (@StellaGMaddox) March 24, 2016