Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 140-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
Wednesday's breakfast:— Six Pack Mom (@Six_Pack_Mom) January 18, 2017
I'll have spilled coffee with a missing shoe, & a side order of child crying because sibling won't stop singing.
Parenting multiple kids is mostly just trying to keep the awake ones quiet enough that the sleeping ones stay asleep.— Cray at Home Ma (@cray_at_home_ma) January 20, 2017
Day 1: Light breakfast— Diane Huntington (@idtweetforever) January 16, 2017
Kids: We want more!
D2: Big breakfast
K: We're not hungry
D3: Kids ask for breakfast, I pretend I don't speak English
Romantic Dinner for Parents— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) January 16, 2017
"I love you"
"Love you too"
"Dinner was great."
"We're finally alone"
(from other room) "Somebody wipe me!"
Using the bathroom at your kid's school. pic.twitter.com/WwJPf4LHCY— Jennifer S. White (@yenniwhite) January 17, 2017
Me: "You're going to bed in 5 minutes."— Wendy S. (@maughammom) January 17, 2017
6yo: *bends the laws of space and time to make 5 minutes last 4 hours*
Watching a 3 year old try to sit down in a Barbie seat is pretty much the reason I had kids.— mama bird diaries (@mamabirddiaries) January 18, 2017
Parenting for $800.— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) January 17, 2017
Alex: Answer: I HAVE TO POOP.
Me: What is "What kids say as you leave the driveway"?
A: That is correct!
Crowd goes wild
Me: You can’t just eat pizza and chicken nuggets. You have to try other foods.— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) January 19, 2017
4-year-old: Why? I've already had the best.
Taking my son to the pediatrician is always a reminder that there is no such thing as too much hand sanitizer.— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) January 17, 2017
Parenthood is...— Momma of Midgard (@MidgardMomma) January 16, 2017
Having your kid yell "how come you cross your legs when you sneeze, Mom?" in the middle of a crowded Target.
Mom look isn't my homework funny?— Jennifer Lizza (@outsmartedmommy) January 16, 2017
Me: Ha yes because it has mommy's name?
8yo: No because who buys CDs? It's not the olden days. pic.twitter.com/M9ApuKiHVt
When the house is clean it makes me feel so freaking awesome.— MommieKnowsfresh (@MommieKnwsFresh) January 17, 2017
It's like the best five minutes of my entire day
I took the time to research and buy the #1 rated paper towel holder on Amazon just like the badass I hoped I would turn into when I grew up.— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) January 18, 2017
Hey kids, why don't you go upstairs & make a huge mess while I clean this room. Then we can trade. After that we'll trade again. And so on..— Mama Got Bamboozled (@MamaBamboozled) January 18, 2017
Excuse me excuse me excuse me excuse me excuse me excuse me excuse me excuse me excuse me EXCUSE ME EXCUSE ME EXCUSE ME!!! I forgot.— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) January 19, 2017
Parenting is great if you want to relive every moment from your childhood when your parents got mad at you - from your parents' perspective.— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) January 18, 2017
Some days I want to time travel back to pregnant me and whisper, "Go take a nap. This is your last chance!"— MyQuestionableLife (@2questionable) January 19, 2017
Parenting truth #1302: If during a course of a given day you're not tired, frustrated, or overwhelmed it probably means you're dead.— Doyin Richards (@daddydoinwork) January 19, 2017