Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 140-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
Having kids on summer break is just hearing "I'm bored!" until everyone is crying.— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) June 26, 2017
There's no calm before the storm quite like drinking coffee before the kids wake up.— SHANtilly Lace (@theshantilly) June 29, 2017
I'm writing a book about parenting called, "Nevermind, I'll Just Do It Myself!"— Real American Dadass (@R_A_Dadass) June 24, 2017
92% of taking your kids to the pool is telling them to stop splashing you— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) June 25, 2017
If persuading my kids to eat the dinner I cook every night doesn't count as sales experience, I don't know what does.— MamaFizzles (@MamaFizzles) June 27, 2017
No thanks, surround-sound systems. My 4 kids have that covered.— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) June 28, 2017
Our daughter is threatening to never talk to us at night if we don't let her stay up & I don't think she understands threats or negotiation.— Mike Reynolds (@EverydayGirlDad) June 26, 2017
Cranky Kid: THAT'S IT. I'M MOVING OUT.— Kim Bongiorno (@LetMeStart) June 28, 2017
Me: FINE. [sigh] Oh no. Please. Don't go. Anything but that.
I love how we have a big tv so my 3 kids can crowd around the tiny iPad and argue over not being able to see.— Molly England (@bluebonetbabies) June 28, 2017
Perhaps the reason the "days are long" with kids is because they start at 6am.— Jennifer S. White (@yenniwhite) June 28, 2017
Right now I'm that dad playing hide & seek with my kid so I can actually get shit done while she thinks she has the "perfect" hiding spot.— Doyin Richards (@daddydoinwork) June 25, 2017
Are you really a parent if your kids' board books don't double as coasters?— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) June 26, 2017
I just want to be as excited for something as my 5yo gets when I let her use scissors and glue.— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) June 25, 2017
Light bulb moments. pic.twitter.com/mcijBHngW6— Dave Learns Dadding (@DaveLearnsToDad) June 28, 2017
Every book is a coloring book to a toddler.— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) June 24, 2017
[9 AM]— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) June 30, 2017
5: Can we go swimming?
Me: It looks like the weather is going to clear up around 2, so we can go then
5: Is it 2 yet?
I love my family more than anything in the world, but not iron their clothes love them.— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) June 29, 2017
You're officially old when you hear songs your parents worried about you listening to as a teen playing in ads for sensible family vehicles.— Andy Herald (@AndyHerald) June 24, 2017
Me around my kids: “We’re having whole wheat toast because it’s healthier.”— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) June 30, 2017
Me by myself: *eats entire can of Pringles for breakfast*
I always thought the cliche of kids asking "are we there yet?" on a long car ride was made up but GOD HELP ME IT'S TRUE THAT'S ALL THEY SAY— SpacedMom (@copymama) June 24, 2017