Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 140-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
One of my favorite moments with my children is when I hold them close, look at them with loving eyes, and say "I told you so."— MotherPlaylist (@MotherPlaylist) September 17, 2017
3yo:*staring at pile of literally hundreds of toy cars*— MyMomologue (@MyMomologue) September 18, 2017
Oh no, I'm missing one!
Nothing screams "I'm a mom" like showing up at work, forgetting I have a Batman bandaid on the back of my leg.— Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) September 18, 2017
Sorry I used packing tape to wrap your kid's birthday present.— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) September 20, 2017
Toys R Us declared bankruptcy, which is ironic considering that it's been responsible for the near-bankruptcy of parents everywhere.— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) September 19, 2017
After a long day with the kids, Kiddo decides to cap it off with a song she made up on her recorder...— Jacques Nyemb (@jnyemb) September 17, 2017
If you think a celebrity choosing a dress for the Emmys is challenging, you should check out my kids picking out pajamas.— Jennifer S. White (@yenniwhite) September 18, 2017
A bra? At school drop off? What are you, some sort of celebrity?— Anna Grace (@graceful_asfuck) September 21, 2017
My son told me he didn't need to take a lunch to school today & I feel like I just won the Mom Lottery.— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) September 19, 2017
Saying "that's disgusting" is probably the highest compliment you can pay to a little kid.— HowToBeADad (@HowToBeADad) September 21, 2017
You think you have your sh*t together and then your 5-year-old comes home and accuses you of doing her homework all wrong.— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) September 19, 2017
favorite thing about 9yo: close call between her intrinsic kindness & fact that she believes if she sings in the bathroom you can't hear her— Nicole Chung (@nicole_soojung) September 21, 2017
People who say don’t sweat the small stuff have never tried to pick up a thousand goldfish crumbs from between the couch cushions.— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) September 19, 2017
I've got fundraiser stuff for school if anyone wants to spend $300 so my child to get a $1 bracelet.— heather lou* (@heatherlou_) September 20, 2017
Welcome to parenthood. You now go to the grocery store every day. Every. Single. Day.— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) September 20, 2017
Me: How do you want your steak cooked?— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) September 18, 2017
Kids: Cook it so it tastes like chicken nuggets.
These fruit snacks are made with 10% real fruit juice, so I gave my kid 10 packets and now he's got his fruit serving in for the day.— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) September 21, 2017
My kids are "if i don't know they're next to me and I turn around really fast I elbow them in the eye" feet tall.— Toni Hammer (@realtonihammer) September 19, 2017
Me: What's wrong?— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) September 19, 2017
7-year-old: *setting down her backpack* School followed me home.
Me: I missed you when we were gone.— Mike Reynolds (@EverydayGirlDad) September 18, 2017
5: I missed you too.
Me: I missed our talks.
5: I missed you reaching cookies from the top shelf.