02/23/2011 06:56 pm ET Updated May 25, 2011

Gay Marriage Win Upsets Promiscuous Gays

The Obama administration today announced that the Justice Department would no longer defend the Defense of Marriage Act, a federal law that prevents same-sex couples from marrying. The controversial move is a leap forward for advocates of same-sex marriage, but the promiscuous segment of the gay and lesbian community is ambivalent.

The move doesn't directly sanction same-sex marriage but paves the way for its legal adoption. Sociologists predict bacchanalian sexual indulgence in the gay and lesbian community in advance of the widespread legalization of gay marriage.

"Up until now, sexually indiscriminate members of the gay and lesbian community have had a tidy excuse to avoid settling down," said Irina DiSalvio, professor of gay and lesbian studies at New York University and author of Seriously, We're Still on This? "They are going to get in as much frivolous penis-on-penis and vagina-on-vagina activity as possible before gay marriage becomes legal everywhere."

In the past, President Obama had only vaguely supported the gay and lesbian community, accepting the same-sex right to civil unions but never outright supporting gay marriage.

"Now he decides to get all fucking pious," said Noah Kalinikos, a 32-year-old graphic designer who is in a long-term, same-sex relationship. "Now I actually need to have the uncomfortable conversation about why I don't want to get married and settle down just like everyone else."

Opponents of same sex marriage console themselves with the fact that gays and lesbians will soon understand the tedious, joy-sapping process of marriage.

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