WASHINGTON DC (Goodyear Satire Company) -- The Republican Party has signed up for Obamacare after decades of spurning any form of publicly-funded health care.
"Our situation was so dire, we had to act," said Senate majority leader Mitch McConnell. "Did you see the last debate?"
There were initial concerns that the chaos in the Republican Party might preclude coverage. "Not so," says Henry Greenblock, administrator of the Affordable Care Act.
"Chaos would ordinarily be considered a pre-existing condition," explained Greenblock. "However, Obamacare did away with pre-existing conditions, so we are able to accept the Republicans despite the turmoil in the presidential race."
House Majority Leader Paul Ryan is another recent convert. "Formerly, we couldn't get anything but barebones coverage," said Ryan. "And the high deductibles just to see a psychiatrist meant that none of our candidates got the treatment they needed. That'll all change now."
"The party is already seeing positive results," says Surgeon General Ralph Morgan. "With its health under control, we expect the GOP to be a less excitable, more tolerant party."
Obamacare administrator Greenblock was philosophical about it all. "We've stopped the bleeding," he said. "But the long-term treatment plan is to repeal the Republican Party, and replace it with something much, much better."