02/27/2016 09:24 am ET

How To Handle A Butch Lesbian Bridesmaid: A Guide For Well-Meaning Straight Brides

Matrimonial bliss must be in the air—two good friends announced engagements in the last week, and I’ve been inundated with emails from heterosexual women agonizing over what the heck to do with their masculine-of-center lesbian bridesmaids. These emails come in two general flavors:

#1: I want my butch friend to wear a dress, and she said no! WTF—it’s MY wedding!

#2: My butch friend would hate wearing a dress, so what should I ask her to wear?

I’ve been on all sides of this: the reluctant dress-wearing bridesmaid, the tie-sporting bridesmaid, and (many years ago) the hetero bride.

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