People who tuned into this week's debate were treated to a different kind of entertainment program -- Fox Business Network's version of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. Dressed in one of her ubiquitous knit suits, this time a shimmering emerald green, and wearing her newly found "non-demented" smile, Carly Fiorina alternated between grinning and grimacing as she assumed the mantle of the put-upon Princess. Rather than whistling while she worked, Snow White worked the audience with her precise delivery, key stressed words, planned pauses, overuse of alliteration and her pitch perfect pithiness. She seemed to rise above as she constantly jumped into the sea of seven raucous men. Heigh Ho, Heigh Ho - it's off to The White House we go.
Photo by Michael Appleton for The New York Times:
Donald Trump chided our Snow White for her constant interruptions of the "boys." Meanwhile speaking of the boys, the not so "merry men" -- oops wrong fairy tale-- were busy chiding each other. Donald Trump playing the familiar role of Grumpy, defended the wall, deporting illegals and opposed raising the minimum wage, while Jeb, trying to shake off his persona as Bashful, spoke louder and waved his arms in more sweeping gestures as he tried to match Trump's swagger and energy level. Bashful finally declared with as much outrage as he could muster that Grumpy's (or shall we say Trumpy's) plan was "ridiculous."
Rand Paul as the least memorable dwarf, Sleepy, tried to become relevant and feisty as he jousted with the perpetually Happy dwarf, Marco Rubio, over the defense spending and the military. This caused Happy to drop his impish demeanor and truly take his place at the grownup's table with an emphatic articulation of the true role of government in defending the nation.
Contrast that fiery exchange with the somnambulant presence of Doc, played convincingly by Dr. Ben Carson. Choosing not to actively engage and looking like he had self-sedated, his most lively moment came when he showed some facial animation when expressing his relief that no one asked him to enumerate on comments and actions from the 10th grade.
Perhaps the biggest gaff of the evening was when Ted Cruz as Sneezy (rhymes with sleazy) tried to be just a little too condescending as he held up five fingers and preached to the nation about the various governmental agencies he would eliminate as president, but somewhere between his third and fourth finger he blanked, pulling a "half Perry" and repeated the commerce department twice, so it actually became a five fingered four point program -- oops!
And finally there was John Kasich whining and smirking as he complained about not getting enough air time while constantly referencing that he was part of a Congress that works. Was it really a smart thing reminding the public that you were proudly part of the least liked and least respected group in America? Hence playing the part of Dopey in a sadly prophetic way.
The only thing that was missing was the wicked Queen, Hillary, who you can be sure is waiting to not only hand the poison apple to Snow White, but encourage her to share it with all of the dwarfs as well.
And someday our president will come.