Hey Fatty

What's with fat? How did 'fat' become a dirty word? Only in the United States of America has this 'F' word sidled along in infamy with the other 'F' word. And don't get me revved on the stupidity of assigning words this title of the 'whatever letter' word and how that somehow renders its meaning toothless? Letters against Humanity! So 'f'ing' dumb.

Why is it that in America to call someone 'fat' is a hate crime? Try it, you'll make a lifetime enemy, might even illicit tears. Anywhere south of the border and 'fat' is a term of endearment. Gordo, Gorda, Gordito, Gordita, all these pet-names will get you a smile, maybe even a friend. Here in America you'll get a fist in the face or a summons and a fine, or possibly worse.

I decided to conduct a fat experiment, for LARS of course (Large Animal Research Station). Whilst hanging with my Manhattan based WASP acquaintances I took to sporting for a handbag a miniature canvas tote and in place of my initials I asked the saleslady to embroider F.A.T. She tried to refuse, claiming 'corporate' wouldn't approve. But I insisted.

Whenever I carried the bag I watched eyeballs of women swiveling, widening, even glaring, but not one had the courage to question.

Until one morning a lady in high-end sweatpants at an uptown bakery frowned as she read the provocative word sewn onto my bag, "I don't believe those are your initials!" she declared, and raised an eyebrow at me. I had to laugh, "You are right and you're the first," I told her.

As an aside let me add she and I are of average proportions but because she has a sense of humor, after our purchases, we waved goodbye, and yelled, "Have a great day, Fatty!"