By Devon Loomis For GalTime.com
The other day I happened to overhear a conversation between two girls sitting next to me at a restaurant. One of the girls was sharing with her friend how she was scared because she had only been seeing a guy for a month, and he had already told her that he loved her. Her friend expressed the same fear and said that it was a big, red flag. She said that it was way too soon for someone to fall in love, and she had better be careful. This is a conversation and a shared fear that I hear expressed at least once a week.
Every time that I hear this fear expressed, I want to stop what I’m doing and give the people a free lesson on falling in love. Although I’m into philanthropy and giving back, it would be much more efficient to just point them to this article.
HOW LONG IT TAKES TO FALL IN LOVE
Before we get into how long it takes, there are some things we must explore.
WHAT IS FALLING IN LOVE?
For a moment, remember a time when you felt like you were in love with someone. What were you feeling? Although there are plenty of adjectives that you could use, reflect on your heart and sexual energies. If you were to imagine that you have two doors within your body- one with sexual energy and one with heart energy- I’ll bet that both of those doors were open. The reason as to why they were open and how open they were is for another discussion; just notice that they were open.
The feeling of being in love romantically is nothing more than your mind allowing both your heart and your sexual energies to be receptive. The stronger the feeling of love, the more open you are. How long does it take for the mind to allow these doors to fling open?
HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF THE TERM LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT?
The confusion comes from people subconsciously grouping together love and attachment. Think about it for a moment. When you imagine a couple deeply in love do you not imagine a couple whose hearts and sexual energies are open- with both individuals attached to one another? The problem with us is that as soon as we tap into that feeling of liberation and intense sexual connection, we want to bottle it up and take it home with us.
I don’t know about you, but I’ve fallen in love with many people the first time that I met them. This experience is echoed within our society through music and poetry, so I know that I’m not alone. The thing to consider is that I don’t become attached to those people. I don’t want to possess them. I don’t even feel the need to explore them any longer than during that brief moment that we encountered each other.
SO, HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE? THE BEST ANSWER: ONE SECOND.
How long does it take to become attached to someone? For many people, it only takes a few weeks. It depends on the level of sexual interaction.
HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE TO CREATE A DEEP, AUTHENTIC BOND? MUCH LONGER.
I’d like to add here that attachment can be both healthy and unhealthy, but that’s for another discussion. Getting back to the original question of this article, if someone says that they love you right away, it could be a red flag, but it also may not be. It’s a matter of exploring what exactly that person means by love. Are they open to you and feeling that sensation of liberation and love, or are they becoming unhealthily attached? In either case, if you ever find yourself in this type of situation, continue to explore and examine what you and the other person are truly feeling. If they say that they are becoming attached to you right away, that, for sure, is a red flag and you should proceed with extreme caution.
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Devon Loomis is a relationship coach and is passionate about inspiring new conversations around romantic love. He is known as The Relationship Coach and is the person many counselors, coaches, and therapist turn to for help with their own romantic lives. For more information visit TheRelationshipCoach.com.