How to Get Through Divorce: One Foot in Front of the Other

08/30/2017 11:43 am ET

The alarm sounds and you have a few seconds before ‘it’ hits and the covers go up over your head and the tears start to fall. And you think, “When is this pain going to stop?” You have felt it for so long, it has become an uninvited guest and you have gotten used to its company. There you sit, across from each other, sharing space and not saying a word.

It sucks to lose a part of you or what’s worse, what you thought was a part of you but really wasn’t. Or a dream you thought you were living turned out to only be an illusion. Or to share your children with someone who at the sound of his name you cringe and to feel everyday that you are now a home divided. Yep, sucks, double sucks so what do you do?

Here are 5 tips to get you out from under those covers.

  1. Acceptance. It’s a toughie but it’s the key. The day your ex left the house, your life and that of your children’s changed. It will never be the same. Never. Sounds mean but that is the reality of the situation and every day you put energy and thought trying to keep it the same, it’s another day wasted in moving forward. Change in your life requires you to change. Stop focusing on what was, look at where you are and figure out how to create a new life from it. The old one is gone but the new one affords you a time in which to grow, renew and experience opportunities.
  2. Pick something everyday that will bring a smile to your face. It needs to be something that will afford you some time outside of your mind; a hike, paint, volunteering or being in nature.
  3. Take care of that little child within you. This exercise is about you feeling like a child that is being taken care of. Nurture yourself by ‘playing’ or a day at the spa. Make yourself some comfort food or enjoy an ice cream cone.
  4. Set goals and stick to them. This will give you a purpose to get up in the morning and something to focus on until it is completed.
  5. Each day is about putting one foot in front of the other. Focus on getting through this minute and then the next one and before you know it, you are another day closer to being healed. It is no longer about what you had, it’s now about what lies ahead, put your focus and energy there. Sometimes you have to let go of something you already have in order to be able to reach out and grasp something better.
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