Having a baby turns your life upside down. Now, on top of all your other responsibilities -- personal and professional -- you have another full-time job! And it's not even a regular full-time (40hrs/week) job, but rather one that requires 24 hours a day and 7 days a week dedication. How do you, in the midst of this chaos, find time to devote to your romantic life?
It may not always be easy, but prioritizing your relationship is one of the most important things you can do as a parent. You are your child's first role model of love and relationships, so show them an example that you hope they will one day emulate.
Here are some expert tips on getting your love life back on track after having a baby:
Communicate
Make sure your partner understands where you are at physically and emotionally. Some women have concerns about having sex for the first time after giving birth. Being able to communicate with your partner openly and honestly can help you to feel more at ease. Your body is amazingly resilient and many women experience even more fulfilling sex lives after giving birth!
Take Time For Yourself
This one might seem counterintuitive, but sometimes the most important thing you can do for your relationship is to take time for yourself. This is especially crucial to getting your sex life back on track. Relationship expert Tammy Nelson offers the following advice: "If your partner wants more sex, they've got to help you by giving you the time and space that you need to rejuvenate." She says, "You cannot pour from an empty pitcher. And you're not going to look at sex as a way to fill up your pitcher. You're going to look at rest, space, and time. Once you have rest, space, and time, it's amazing how much more willing you are going to be to want to have sex with your partner."
Focus on the Big Picture
When you become a parent some of your priorities change, but often the big ones stay the same. Make sure to communicate with your partner your long-term goals and how they and your children factor into your vision of the future. When you get excited and talk about the future, it is easier to see any current relationship challenges you may be having as situational rather than personal. Remember, it is completely normal to fight more after having kids. In fact, 70 percent of couples experience more conflict and less satisfaction in the first three years after having a baby.
Schedule Time
When you are a parent, there really is not much opportunity to be spontaneous when it comes to your love life. Children crave routine, and scheduled parenting makes it easier for everyone involved to know what is expected of them. This means that if you want to have time for sex and romance, it must also be scheduled. This is not as un-romantic as it sounds. Knowing you have sexy time coming up gives you time to prepare -- mentally, physically and emotionally -- which, unfortunately as parents, we may need to do in order to fully enjoy it! Remember, "You didn't pick each other just to be roommates. You picked each other to be lovers. And it's easy to forget that when you're parents and you have all these other responsibilities," Nelson says. She advises, "Meet once a week in the bedroom after the kids go to bed, even if you're exhausted, even if you're tired and angry, and light a candle, turn on some music, get naked, and remind each other of why you got together in the first place."
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