It’s a COLD day here on Long Island, with wind chills getting in to the single digits Fahrenheit (that’s negative Celsius for you Celsius folk)! My apologies for not getting this out to you yesterday — I hung out with a buddy of mine last night, we had too much to drink, and I ended up staying over at his place. Better safe than sorry! Anyway, due to Tuesday night’s festivities, I was moving a lot slower than usual on Wednesday, so I’m going to lay off the in-week partying for a good long while :-p
Good news, though, was that my new company shirts came in yesterday afternoon. Check them out:
In a bit, I’ll be mailing out a handful to select clients and group members, so if you’d like a shirt, please EMAIL ME to express your interest, and we’ll work something out ;-)
Now then, I posted an interesting poll in my Permanent Weight Loss Community on Facebook earlier. The Permanent Weight Loss Community is for people who are looking to lose 50 or more lbs, who are looking to prevent chronic disease, and is for people who are looking to avoid undergoing weight loss surgery. It is for folks who are tired of wasting money on fad diets, on short-term fitness programs, and on BS supplements that do nothing more than keep you in a constant cycle of yo-yoing with both your weight and your health. To join, please go to https://www.facebook.com/groups/pwl50plus/.
Anyway, here’s the poll I ran earlier:
And these are just a few of the several HUNDRED examples I’ve encountered — Both on my personal 100 lb weight loss journey, as well as when I was going along for the ride with my clients. Why are the people who are supposed to support us the most often the ones who try to negate the positive changes we’re making? I actually had this discussion with a psychologist earlier today, so I can give you the combination of both her’s and my take on this extremely common phenomenon…
Long story short, you’re RARELY going to get any flack from somebody who’s secure about both their health and their weight. More often than not, the person saying things like ‘just one won’t hurt!’ is someone who needs to make similar changes to the ones you’re in the process of making. The only difference between you and him/her is that you’re actually making those changes, whereas he/she hasn’t done anything more than think about making those changes. The fact that you’re actively refusing poor food and drink choices, and you’re making your health a priority is a subconscious threat to their self esteem, and thus, they’re going to try to bring you back down to their level.
Ever hear the term ‘Misery loves company?’ In this case, it couldn’t be more true! These people are NOT happy with how they look or how they feel, and when they see you making progress towards improving those very areas of your life, they feel insecure because they’re not willing to do the same for themselves. They want you to continue to feel the pain that they are still in, and thus, they’ll try to get you to fall off course and join them once again in their personal cycle of constant self-sabotage.
So, by using some of the examples listed above (as well as some of the ones I remember from my journey vividly), I’m going to provide you with a few DIPLOMATIC responses you can give to someone who’s questioning your new, healthy lifestyle habits. I’m emphasizing the ‘diplomatic’ part because I’m not like most people — If I’m pressed to do something that I don’t want to do, I have no problem telling someone to fuck off. It doesn’t matter who they are, as I don’t feel peer-pressured very often, and I’m not willing to compromise my integrity or my morals due to somebody else’s bullshit.
That being said, I know most folks are not like me in that respect, so I’ll give you some nicer ways to get potential saboteurs off your back:
Common Scenario 1:
Them: Don’t lose too much weight! You’ll look sick or unhealthy if you do.
You: Thanks. I’ll keep that in mind. (Please don’t dignify them with any more of a response than that! In fact, you may not want to give a response to this, at all…)
Common Scenario 2:
Them: You already look good — You don’t need to lose any more weight!
You: (Assuming, of course, that they’re wrong) I appreciate both the compliment and the concern! That being said, I have my own idea as to how I should look, and once I get there, I’ll reevaluate. Thanks again.
Common Scenario 3:
Them: Oh, come on, one won’t hurt! (‘One’ could be a bad drink, a poor food choice, etc.)
You: I’m fine, thanks.
Them: Don’t be a buzzkill! You never used to say ‘no’ to *fill in the blank.* Why torture yourself?
You: I’m not torturing myself… I’m bettering myself. Why do you feel so threatened that I’m not eating and drinking the same things as you are?
Them: *Crickets*
Common Scenario 4:
Them: Why do you insist on bringing a dish to the party this Saturday? You never complained about my cooking in the past!
You: Well I wasn’t trying to lose weight in the past. Your cooking tastes great (a little white lie anyway, most likely), but it’s not exactly conducive to what I’m looking to accomplish. I’m looking to bring a dish so I can contribute to the party, and also stay in line with my nutritional guidelines.
Them: It’s rude that you’re bringing a dish! I’m offended that you’d even consider doing such a thing!!
You: I’m sorry you feel that way. It’s that, or I don’t eat anything at the party. It would be rude to prevent a guest from eating something in accordance with their dietary guidelines at your party, wouldn’t it?
Them: *Crickets*
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Of course, another common theme I’ve seen many a time is when a significant other continues to bring junk food home, even when you’ve kindly asked them half-a-million times not to. Why are they doing this? Again, they probably need to eat better and take better care of themselves as well. They see the progress you’re making, and they feel threatened that you’re one-upping them. It’s childish and plagued with jealousy, but if this is how someone who’s supposed to be supportive of you is going to continue to act, then it might be worth reevaluating your relationship with that person. At the very least, sit them down and articulate how important it is to you to stay on track, and that their bringing crap into the house isn’t conducive to that. If they refuse to budge and respond with something along the lines of ‘Well just because you’re depriving yourself doesn’t mean I have to,’ then you REALLY want to reevaluate if this is the right person for you.
I can tell you that over the course of my life, I’ve distanced myself from people who were close to me (whether family, friend, or romantic connection) because they didn’t contribute anything positive to my life. Perhaps when I was a miserable bastard like they were (or may still be), we got along better and cried wolf together. However, once I decided to change my mentality and stop playing the victim card, all bets were off. It’s crazy how offended people get just because you refuse to blame others for your own personal shortcomings :-p
Anyhow, hope you found this helpful! Chat with you tomorrow.
Sincerely, Pete Weintraub pete@weightlossbypete.com
P.S. As I mentioned last week, I just opened up a NEW group on Facebook. This is piggybacking off the Holiday Jump Start Program I did through the end of November, and is something that many of the group members wanted to continue going into the future!
This group provides members with daily accountability, a weekly group call specific to the members and their questions, a monthly book club reviewing a piece of literature on all things health and wellness, and a lifetime’s worth of mindset shifts and lifestyle changes via these books, my coaching, and my own materials on fitness, mindset, and nutrition. It’s BY FAR the most affordable program I’ve offered to date, and may be just what you need to kick yourself into gear with the Holiday Season in full swing.
To learn more, and to join us, please go to www.weightlossbypete.com/group. Hope to see you on the inside! ;-)