COMEDY
09/30/2015 03:56 pm ET Updated Sep 30, 2015

I Hereby Give Facebook Permission To Take Me And My Identity

Have your way with me, Facebook!

Take everything, Facebook. My name, photos, my profile ... everything. Go ahead, try it on, take it for a spin! Ahhh, that new Andy smell!

You want the statuses? Well, guess what, they come standard! You'll like them. There's a lot of action.

Also, I'm very photogenic. How about these? These doing anything for you, Facebook?

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Whoops, I seem to have dropped my laptop! How ever will I update my Facebook status? 

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Better go ahead and grab thaaaaaaaaaaaaaat.
You know, I <strong><i>have</i></strong> been working out, thank you.
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You know, I have been working out, thank you.

I've included a photo of me using The Facebook just so I'm "on brand."

Hi, I'm brand savvy.
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Hi, I'm brand savvy.

 You know you want it, Facebook. I've noticed you showcasing ads designed specifically for me. I've noticed.

Oh my! I didn't realize you were here, Facebook!

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Don't mind me, just thought I'd jump in the shower, Facebook. But you already knew that, because I posted about it. On Facebook.

Let me get a little more comfortable ...

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That's right, Facebook, have your way with me! Do what you will! Share me with whomever you'd like!

PROFILE > SETTINGS > PRIVACY > TAKE ME, FACEBOOK!

 

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