"What if they talk about clothes ... that they plan to wear on a date?"
"What if they have nametags, but nobody addresses them?"
"Does it count if the two named characters are actually the same person?"
Lovers of the Back to the Future franchise, like me, desperately want at least one film in the trilogy to pass all three parts of the Bechdel test: That two or more named women have a conversation, and they discuss something other than men.
I argue that it's 2015. We don't have flying cars, hover boards or dust-repellent paper, but we can at least imagine a future that isn't this devoid of female interaction. So, I went ahead and fixed your films for you, Zemeckis. You're welcome.
If Back to the Future passed the Bechdel test:
1.For one, in the original Back to the Future, Lorraine and her friends would have been having a conversation in the café when George approached to reveal that he is Lorraine's "density." Instead, they're just weirdly staring, silently, into their milkshakes.
2.Lorraine and Linda, upon noticing that George was paying no attention to Lorraine's recounting of their first kiss, would have switched topics, perhaps to the family's weird affinity for peanut brittle.
3.In Back to the Future Part II, in addition to discussing her dress, Lorraine and Unnamed Friend of Lorraine's would discuss their assigned shifts on the planning committee for the Enchantment Under the Sea Dance. Unnamed friend would also have a name, so let's call her Betty.
4.Marlene would have been the one to tell her mother "Hey mom, nice pants." Would Marty Jr. really have noticed his mother's pants? You couldn't have given that line to Marlene? Just the one?
5.The female police officers who discuss the degrading conditions of Hilldale - the characters who come closest to passing the Bechdel test - would have had names. Officer Big Tits and Sargent Braid would have at least been names.
6.Jennifer and Jennifer, rather than fainting over age and appearance after their one line "I'm old/young!" would have had an excited discussion over martinis about Future Jennifer's career as Chief of Staff for Goldie Wilson III.
7.In 2015, the two women from Biff's jacuzzi in 1985 would find part-time work at the Café 80s to pay their way through business school and lead a small start-up that would eventually render the use of fax machines obsolete. They also would have had names.
8.Back to the Future Part III would have introduced more than two named female characters. Seriously. Only two women in that whole movie have names, and they never meet.
9.As a new mother, Molly McFly would have sought out Clara Clayton to discuss her new position as schoolteacher in Hill Valley. We also might know what grade or subject Clara taught. She also wouldn't have been so insufferable. (But then, she might have ... Women, right?)
10.Linda, upon finding Jennifer passed out on the porch swing in scary, multi-cultural 1985, would have awoken her from her dangerous slumber and brought her inside. Linda would sit with Jennifer while she came to, giving her water and gently asking her classmate about the series of events that led to her being left alone, at night, in a bad neighborhood. No discussion of Jennifer's outfit would take place.
One can dream. But short of equal speaking roles for women in film, can we at least make retractable fruit happen?