Mr. Trump, congratulations! You won the grand prize. How cleverly you convinced your base that their troubles would be over when you became president. You told them what they wanted to hear, and they listened and loved you for soothing their pain. Now, the campaign is over and, you are stuck with the job.
Mr. Trump, it’s clear that you don’t want to clutter your mind with the stuff of governing. Winning was the fun part, and now you have to deal with a pesky Russian investigation, that blowhard Kim Jong Un, and the silly concept of climate change all those scientists keep harping on. What trivia you’re being bothered with while you try to make America great again.
Mr. Trump, it’s time to go. You can get rid of all those annoying issues before they get nastier and more complicated. I am sure you can tweet a good reason to resign so your fans will still love you. Perhaps you can develop a stress-related condition or a family matter that requires the expert and devoted attention that only you can provide?
Mr. Trump, think about it. You can spend even more time playing golf at your resorts. You can hire cheap immigrant labor and get the best import prices without the media picking on you. You can go beyond Facebook and develop the Trump Television Network to keep in touch with your dedicated base and fire anybody you want to without being accused of “obstructing justice.” And now that your big-league language can be held responsible for a death in Charlottesville, everyone will understand and respect your decision to resign. After all, we all knew this day would come.
It really is time to go, Mr. Trump, so consider this my Dear Don letter to you. Please get on your golf cart and head east toward the sunset over Trump Tower. Everyone knows it’s “fake news” that the sun sets in the west, so just keep going. We will all wave goodbye behind you as we watch you go.