Jamie, Please Hang Out With Me

07/07/2016 05:49 pm ET
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Dear Jamie,

I compiled all the reasons why you were busy this month, and I finally understand the truth about why you haven’t hung out with me.

June 4: I got you tickets to a concert, but you had a cough and were severely contagious.

June 7: It was your birthday but you still had a cough. I saw photos of you online with your other friends. I can’t believe they insisted on having a party even though you were sick. It was polite of you to play along.

June 8: You were basically better but had to run errands. I offered to accompany you but you said taking out the trash was more of a one-person thing.

June 9: I invited you to the movies, but you had work. I love romcoms but saw a horror film because you like those and I wanted to pretend I was with you. Imagine my elation when I saw you there! You apologized, saying you couldn’t contact me because your phone was turned off to watch the movie. I’m grateful to have a friend who respects movie theater rules.

June 10: You couldn’t go bowling because your dad died. I sent you a bouquet of sad flowers and an edible arrangement that looked like my face because I wanted to remind you that I am here for you, and also because I care about your health.

June 13: You were on a business trip, which is awful of your boss since your father just passed away. By the way, Facebook said you checked in at the café on my street. I called Facebook to let them know you were hacked. This is probably why you can’t respond to my posts.

June 17: You needed to readjust to the sea level since your business trip was in the mountains and you have sensitive lungs.

June 19: You still had the faint echo of a cough.

June 21: I ran into you on the street! But when I asked to get coffee, you stuttered and blurted out that your dad just died. Again. You had said your dad died 11 days ago, too. I understand now.

Jamie, it’s totally fine that you have two dads. Gay people are normal people. You’ve probably been judged for having two dads your whole life, and you worried I’d make fun of you. Jamie, I am not a homophobe. In fact, I think it’s cool that you have two dads (had two dads).

I will mourn them with you, as your friend. Let me know when is good. I’m available Monday through Friday, and also the whole weekend.

Sincerely, Affectionately, XOXOXO,
Karen

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