Let the Pain Collect Dust

All of us have wounds. People who have hurt us, even broken us. For the most part I've healed and moved on from those that have caused me heartache and pain. But every now and then a scar is reopened and I experience a moment of temporary insanity.
I call it insanity because the past should stay there and letting it surface into my present is nutty.
Sure the people and experiences from before have morphed you into the person you are today.
And it's upsetting when a member from the negative-hurt-me-beyond-words club creeps back in.
It always comes out of nowhere too. I'll be happily strolling along and WHAMO! I get sucker punched with a peripheral forearm shiver.
We all have those people. The ones who lied to us over and over again, and nearly convinced us of their lies.
Those who have used our weaknesses against us. Convinced us we were worthless, useless mere puppets in their narcissicistic plays.
Users, only around when it benefitted them or their schedules.
As healthy as I feel today, having left all that garbage behind me, there are days a piece of litter makes it way back onto my lawn.
My initial response is usually physical. Anxiety sets in and my body feels as if a fire is ripping through it.
For example, I once had a man tell me he was hit with a "thunder bolt" that I was "the one" that there was "no other" Of course those words felt good to hear. I was desperate for such words having never truly heard such sentiments.
Did I mention this man would say such things then return home to his wife?
Or the guy I fell hard for in college. It took me months to recover when he didn't reciprocate my feelings. I bumped into him years later, and he suddenly "needed" me for "deep conversations" because his wife wasn't able to support him emotionally.
It doesn't feel good when people toy with your heart, your emotions. I get people grow apart, and sometimes you can't control who you fall in love with or out of love with.
But to try and have your cake and eat it too, only to mess with someone else's sincere intentions is pretty crappy.
Then there's the guy who cheated on me, friend who stabbed me in the back, or the co-worker who took credit for my hard work, the list goes on and on.
So every now and then I'll receive an uncomfortable reminder of just how rotten, selfish and insensitive people can be.
What I've come to realize though is, I'm not alone in being hurt. Everyone is hurt by someone at some point in their lives. It's not some exclusive club that only I belong to.
So I put my big girl underpants on and move forward, reminding myself that if I hadn't been mistreated by so many, it wouldn't have brought me to my present. And where I currently stand is a pretty great place to be.
I have two amazing children, who are kind, thoughtful and sensitive. Sure they can be exhausting at times, but I am grateful to have them in my life. They are my ultimate loves.
I have also started to trim my circle, so only those with the best intentions are allowed.
And more recently I have finally found someone who respects me, likes me, heck even loves me and that feels pretty great too. If I had stayed with any of those yahoos I would never have been given the opportunity to be with someone who supports me, appreciates me for exactly who I am and as dorky as it all sounds, makes me strive to be a better human being.
I have to remember when echoes from the past try to make a reappearance, it's okay to put them back on the shelf in my attic of memories and let them continue to collect dust.