Have you ever been a passenger in a car with an inexperienced driver? Then you know just how out of control it feels when a driver doesn't brake quickly enough as a red light or an obstacle approaches. Maybe you've even slammed on the imaginary brake on the passenger side of the car a few times to no avail.
Fearful people live their lives as if they are passengers in an out-of-control car. Rather than doing something to control the situation -- by getting into the driver's seat -- they operate the car as passengers. They attempt to control what is out of their control, rather than what actually is within it. For instance, they worry about the economy and whether the latest government solution will work -- despite the fact that they have little, if any, control over such a situation. As a result, they feel victimized.
Fearless people do the opposite. When in the middle of what might initially seem like an uncontrollable situation, they shift the locus of control from what they can't change to what they can. For instance, if your company is downsizing and you are afraid of losing your job, you might not be able to control how many positions get cut and whether yours is one of them. But you can take some actions to make you and your position less expendable. You can, for example, control your relationship with your supervisor, your work performance, and whether you pursue continuing education outside of work to improve your skills and marketability.
If you have already lost your job, you might not be able to control how quickly you'll be able to find a new one. But you can control your daily schedule and maintain structure. For instance, you can still get up at the same time every day, shower, and get dressed and stick to a routine. You can make sure you read the job postings and apply for as many jobs as possible. You can network with colleagues in your area of interest. You can learn new skills that will make you more employable. You can even use this rare opportunity to get all of those things done that you never have time to do around the house.
What area of your life feels out of your control? What are some ways you could exert more control over that area of your life? What can you control? What can't you?
Use the Following Examples as a Guide:
You Can't Control:
Whether she will agree to have dinner with you.
You Can Control:
What you wear, what you say, and how you say it when you make the request.
You Can't Control:
Whether you'll get a promotion.
You Can Control:
How well you perform your job so that your supervisors see you as promotion worthy.
You Can't Control:
Whether you will die of a heart attack.
You Can Control:
The foods you consume, how much and how often you exercise, and how much stress is in your life.
You Can't Control:
Whether the traffic you are stuck in will start moving in time for you to get to your appointment.
You Can Control:
Whether you listen to traffic reports on the radio, whether you call into the office to say you are stuck in traffic, what you do to entertain yourself while you are stuck.
You get the idea. Now try it on your own. For more help on how to live fearlessly, check out my book BE FEARLESS: Change Your Life in 28 Days.
For more by Jonathan Alpert, click here.
For more on becoming fearless, click here.