A word of advice ― when you marry someone, don’t expect them to age in reverse. A Mumsnet forum user is getting flack for hinting that his wife’s advancing age is the reason for his marital unhappiness.
User “jamie000” started a thread on the parents website earlier this month titled, “Advice on leaving your wife.”
“My DW and I have been on a rocky road for at least 2 years. We have had counseling but that made things worse as we began to realise we wanted different things,” the user, who says he is 39, wrote. “The problem is my DW is older than me (48) and although this wasn’t an issue 10 years ago it sadly is now. She talks about retirement, menopause, and things that I didn’t expect to have to deal with for many years.”
The user continued to write that he may come to want children of his own ― he’s a stepfather to his wife’s daughter ― and says he feels he’s “aged prematurely.”
“I feel like I should be thinking about kids and the future (my career is still growing) but my life is with someone who is planning retirement and slowing down at work,” he wrote.
He further clarified that when the couple first got together, he was 27 and she was 38 and “youthful.” Ouch.
To add insult to injury, the poster added that he has certainly had younger women, in their 30s, on his mind.
Ugh.
Newsflash, buddy. People change in relationships, regardless of age. Using aging as an excuse to go roaming for greener pastures is pretty uncool in our opinion.
In his defense, the user did mention other compatibility issues and points of contention in the relationship and did say he loves his wife even though he may not be “in love.” He also pondered the possibility that his feelings were all part of a midlife crisis.
Users responded in a variety of ways. Some had sympathy for the man for being honest and said there’s nothing wrong with leaving a relationship if you’re unhappy and feel like you’ve exhausted all options ― though they certainly advised him not to bring up age.
Some reminded him that “the grass isn’t always greener.” “Be very, very, VERY careful what you wish for,” wrote another.
But others were downright offended that he dare bring his wife’s age into the equation.
“I’m confused by you not having previously thought through the fact that a woman of 48 will be experiencing menopause symptoms and planning towards retirement. It makes you look either a bit dim, or rather cruel,” wrote one user.
But we feel user “FruitCider” hit the nail on the head with this comment. “So basically you chose to get into a relationship with an older woman, and now she’s aged you want to trade her in for a younger model?”
Basically, men of the world, you don’t have the right to tell older women how they should dress or how youthful they should look. For those who think older women shouldn’t be caught dead in yoga pants or that they shouldn’t have under-eye bags and laugh lines, we believe older women are perfect just the way they are.
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