The awards season has started. My fellow movie fans know what I am talking about, though I am ashamed to admit that I used to be far better at watching all the nominated films. This year I only saw one. Well, since I've realized I will never win one myself, I've stopped religiously following the coveted Academy Awards. I've had the speech ready for years, but no chance to give it. Don't worry, I won't start now. But since there won't be an Oscar for me this year, I thought I'd have my very own Mommy Academy Awards. If my life was a movie -- and trust me, most of the time it feels like a horror film -- who'd be going home as a winner?
Directing: Goes to me. Yay! And why? Because I like to believe I run the show. On most days, we function as a well-oiled machine, with everyone knowing exactly what they have to do. Then there are moments when it's all falling apart. It's like a ship without a captain.
Cinematography: I could totally make you all believe we are a picture-perfect family, because we have heaps of perfect images. But I'll let you in on a secret: If we manage five minutes of peace, I count that as the equivalent of a lifetime achievement... or our kids having a serious fever.
Foreign Film: Half of the time I am convinced I star in such a film, because my kids never respond to anything I am trying to tell them. I repeat it and still get no reaction. I feel like I'm speaking Spanish or Dutch.
Documentary: Me, reading books on how to raise my little hellions and trying to find some advice that would actually work, only to realize that book has not yet been written.
Music: At this point, silence is music to my ears.
Writing: I do write a lot and am in my opinion, I am really good at it, but I have to admit that my kids conceive most of our daily scenes -- like throwing tantrums.
Sound editing and sound mixing: I share this award with my two girls, because I really wouldn't even be in the running if it wasn't for them. I bet they wouldn't have to push themselves as hard if it wasn't for me. Over a short period, we have perfected an astounding range of sounds we can cover.
Makeup/hairstyling, costume design: While I get to pick my clothes and do my makeup in the few minutes I have in the morning -- which is hardly enough time to brush my hair -- how I'll end up looking every day depends on my two very competent stylists. They always know how to add that extra touch to anything I decide to wear. Sometimes it's a finger print of milk, tiny spots of chocolate on a white shirt or snoot on my black pants. They are very much into being real, so when I look as if I hadn't slept for two night in the row, it's because I haven't.
Visual effect: My daughters would probably really like to thank me and my hubs for winning this category, as we provide the perfect environment for their creative potential. Their room is something from the scene of The Day after Tomorrow, though for some of their stuff, there will be no tomorrow.
Animated feature film: When I think of my life with kids, it's easier to think of it in terms of cartoons, where I could be a hero with super powers, not a slave for the next 12 years. My prince could slay all the dragons and big bad wolves. And my girls could conquer the world and fight gravity.
Short Film: My life before the kids.
Finally,
Best Picture: Goes to my whole family, for another terrific year together. While we are not the greatest, we somehow make it work. From almost-science fiction to downright comedy, every minute of our life together is an adventure.
The post has previously been published on coolkidzcooltrips.com