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Here's Why Muffins Are An Inferior Breakfast Food

Go away, muffins!
By 

Staff Writer, Food & Travel

It's widely accepted that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. This is an easy maxim to accept because breakfast can also be the most delicious meal of the day. Unless you're eating a muffin. When you can have a cinnamon roll, a sticky bun or a scone, why on Earth would you ever choose a muffin? When you can have a buttery, flaky croissant or a cinnamon sugar doughnut, how could you even entertain picking a muffin instead? It's a ludicrous decision that we just can't accept.

Muffins are kind of the worst. Sure, there are decent muffins out there -- and there might even be good ones. Excellent muffins are hard to come by, however, and they must be homemade. Store-bought muffins shouldn't even be placed in the same category as homemade muffins, but even if they are made by hand, they run the risk of, well, sucking. At best they're an inferior breakfast food and at worst they're total disasters.

Here are 11 reasons muffins are the worst and we wish they'd just go away.

[Note: This is not an opinion shared by the entire Taste staff.]

1
A good muffin is really hard to come by.
Roy Hsu via Getty Images
Most muffins are dry and crumbly or worse: spongy. Most muffins are way too sweet, way too big, and not satisfying in the least.
2
Corn muffins might be your safest bet, but...
Gail Shumway via Getty Images
Then you may as well just have CORN BREAD.
3
Store-bought muffins are not your friend.
Amazon
Please just step away from the muffins in the super market. If you must, buy one at a bakery or make them at home. But only if you must.
4
They're a poor excuse for dessert and a poor excuse for breakfast.
Lisa Thornberg via Getty Images
Chocolate has never looked this bad.
5
Muffin or cupcake?
firewave_fr/Flickr
Let's face it: most muffins are just cupcakes without frosting. And who wants to eat a cupcake without frosting?
6
You'd choose a muffin over this?
Thomas Barwick via Getty Images
The thought process behind choosing a muffin over a buttery, flaky croissant is no thought process at all. It is insanity.
7
Muffin tops are the best part.
Thomas Barwick via Getty Images
Everyone knows the muffin top is the best part -- but it is so far superior to the rest of the muffin that eating the rest is a complete waste. Juxtaposed to the rest of the muffin, the muffin top magnifies how bad the muffin base is. It is the most poorly constructed breakfast item of all time.
8
Seriously?
Lauri Patterson via Getty Images
We repeat: It is THE most poorly constructed breakfast item of all time. It is excessively difficult to eat a muffin, especially the bottom half, without it falling all over your lap. It is unsatisfying after the first few bites, and it is usually too delicate to stay in tact while traveling, even though it is meant to be portable.
9
Muffins are a terrible substitution for cake.
l2egulas via Getty Images
If your muffin is so big that you're eating it with a knife at fork, you may as well just eat a piece of cake. As a matter of fact, you are not eating a muffin at all; you're eating a poor excuse for cake.
10
Muffins are sugar bombs that won't fill you up, but will slow you down.
Dorling Kindersley via Getty Images
If you think you're being healthy by choosing a muffin because it has fruit or bran in it, you're probably fooling yourself. Sure you can make healthy muffins at home, but if you're buying store-bought, you'd better be careful if you think you're doing something good for yourself.
11
One bad muffin can ruin the rest.
Flickr
Looking at this makes us never want to eat breakfast or blueberries again, and that is really, really sad.

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