My Struggles With God, Bless America

Last night I said brief nightly prayers. And I didn't ask God to look over us. It's my opinion that God simply did not bless America on Sunday, and I couldn't include him in my usual goodnight list. I'm angry and hurt, and it seems my venting has turned to God. I felt the same way after 9/11. I remember turning my back to God then too. But over the course of days, oh maybe it was weeks, I gradually came back to asking God to look over us. This time I feel God has let down my fellow LGBT community in Orlando and I'm just pissed off about it. Why do we even say God Bless America anyway? Fifty people were killed because of their sexual orientation when love should be love is love is love is love, to borrow from "Hamilton's" guru. Love should be blessed, whatever its many forms. I'm also pissed at Donald Trump for not being able to acknowledge the LGBT community. I just wanted him to shut up on Sunday with his Twitter barbs. For one day, he did not entertain me and my typical thick skin against him was simply down and out. I was just glossy eyed. Thankfully, Hillary Clinton and the president were there to embrace my community because I have to admit it, I'm just looking for someone to lead us through these dark days ahead. I deeply believe in God. I believe my mother lives in his world now some 20 years gone by. And I believe he is there with my other relatives, friends and even pets. But Sunday was just too rocky to say my prayers to God. Because violence the likes of which we had never seen before with this mass shooting, makes no sense at all. And God can't help me make an easy understanding of it. God may be blessing other countries, but I'm just not feeling his love, warmth, understanding and embrace here in America. Right now God and I are on hiatus.