03/28/2008 02:45 am ET Updated Nov 17, 2011

No Spanx To You: The Problem With Shapewear

DEAR Spanx,

This letter is to inform you that my attorney will be contacting you shortly. Actually, I haven't yet contacted my attorney because I need both hands to devour the 4 pounds of pistachios on my desk. But, eventually, I do plan to clear away these shells and then sue you for my addiction to your Slim Cognito body shaper.

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