One God, But Which God

09/23/2016 01:16 pm ET

Donald Trump has started to campaign under the slogan “One America, One God, One Flag.” I think this is a loose translation of “Ein Volk, Ein Reich, Ein Fuehrer” but my German is not very good.

I had been a strong Trump supporter because he promised to reduce my taxes. Under his initial plan I could house my investments in a personal corporation and pay only his pass-through15% corporate rate. But he now seems to be backpedaling and this loophole may apply only to real estate developers.

But this One God thing has me worried. How do I know that Trump has chosen the right God for us to worship? I fear he could select the God of my Catholic childhood, a cantankerous old white man who, according to the local clergy, was obsessed with 13 year-olds masturbating. “There goes Clifford again. Hey Mary give him another two centuries in purgatory. Maybe I should grow some hair on his hands.”

We know what Trump thinks of Mexicans. What if the pearly gates are not guarded not St. Peter but by Quetzalcoatl, and Huitzilopochtli is the big Kahuna. We could be in big trouble.

My guess is that Trump’s One God has all the attributes of Donald Trump. Always mouthing off. Thinks he knows everything. Easily insulted. Splenetic. Vengeful.

Greed? Of course. Lust? Part of the package. Gluttony? Bring it on. Pride? And deservedly so. Anger? Definitely. Vanity? World class. Sloth? Exceptional intellectual sloth. Envy? No way. When you have everything, you don’t envy anyone. They all envy you.

Even with demanding human sacrifice, Huitzilopochtli doesn’t look so bad. Baal, Marduk or Thor would be a big improvement.

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